5 tweaks I made that more than tripled my solopreneur revenue in one year

Blog #141: 5 tweaks I made that more than tripled my solopreneur revenue in one year

Tea Gardens at Munnar, Kerala, India. Photo by Vivek Kumar on Unsplash

How I went from $32K to $100K with these five adjustments

Running a solopreneur business is challenging. Every challenge you overcome in your business often reflects an inner transformation that has taken place within you.

So if you are on this one-person business journey, you have my awe and respect. And if you are struggling to hit your revenue goals despite working on all cylinders, I know exactly how you feel.

I was three years into my freelance web design business and aspired to make my first $100K in annual revenue. However, I was barely making $32K for the year even while working nights and weekends. I wanted to hit my desired revenue goal but was struggling to move the needle in any substantial way.

It was obvious that there were key things that were not really working in my business. I needed to change those if I were ever to get out of my revenue stalemate.

That’s when I decided to take a closer look at how I was running things and make some hard decisions. If you are in a similar boat as a service-based online entrepreneur, solopreneur, or a one-person business wanting to break through your current income ceiling, I wrote this article for you.

In this article, I will share with you five things I adjusted that led to a breakthrough and finally delivered me a $100K annual revenue for my one-to-one web design business. Here’s a summary:

1. Cut down your offers to two

2. Stop doing custom quotes

3. Prime your consultation calls to convert leads into clients

4. Offer a no-brainer package option

5. Invest in a tool for easily getting paid and getting contracts e-signed

Let’s dive right in!

1. Cut down your offers to two

Not an easy task but highly profitable!

I had begun my freelance journey with ConvertKit email marketing services. And as my skills developed over the course of time, I began offering all kinds of services. For instance, I did project management, social media planning, email marketing for Mailchimp, Mailerlite, ConvertKit, tweaks, and updates on Squarespace along with my signature web design services. I was diluting my offers with things that I was capable of doing but with each new offer, a new workflow and system had to be developed. Managing all those systems created clutter and crowded out the area where I wanted to focus: Squarespace Web Design. Plus, I was also launching a couple of courses, had online workshops on offer, and was creating blog posts and videos for my YouTube channel.

That’s when I cut out all my offers down to two:

1. Squarespace Web Design Packages

2. Hourly Maintenance Packages for clients for whom I have already built a website

I decided to say no to any projects that did not fit into my two main offers, even if the clients were amazing and they were willing to pay my prices. I also put a pause on conducting online workshops and content creation to focus on this one $100K goal.

If you find your freelance business bringing in revenue but you are starting to feel stagnated, think of how you can streamline your offers. You may have to let go of your most popular offers if they are too time-consuming or do not bring in much revenue. Reduce your offers down to one or two main offers and see your revenue begin to skyrocket.

2. Stop doing custom quotes

This is a controversial one since many in the service-based industry rely on custom quotes. In my view, custom quotes are hugely time-consuming. My consult calls were often long and drawn out and then I would spend 3 to 4 hours preparing a customized quote. Half a day went into client acquisition and then often these specific clients would not choose to work with me.

I knew I had to change this. I decided to craft a couple of design packages where I would deliver a set number of deliverables which clients can choose from if these packages fit their needs. I would determine the time it would take to complete these tasks and how much I would feel good to get paid for it all.

This one decision saved me a ton of time and actually led to closing more projects as clients knew exactly what they were signing up for even before they met me on the call. My prices were transparently listed on my website. So regardless of what your net worth is, my packages don’t change based on your wallet size! I liked the democratic feeling of that and that’s how I would love to be treated by people I hire as well.

Consider creating custom quotes in your freelance business. Whether you are a copywriter or a graphic designer or a fitness coach offering 1 to 1 services, create attractive packages instead of doing custom quotes. Price them well and then blow your clients away with awesome value.

Take this approach for a test drive. If you don’t jive with it, you can always go back to custom quotes. But if you do it right, packages will change your business for the better and you will see an increase in time, flow, and revenue in your business.

3. Prime your consultation calls to convert leads into clients

One of the problems I faced was converting interested people into clients for my web design packages. I realized that these potential clients were faced with information overload during the hiring process. First, there are many designers to choose from and then each one has their own, often, complicated system. Then the client speaks to me and hears one more business model that they had to now understand in order to decide if we were a right fit. Often my consult calls would drag on for an hour or an hour and a half and still not help the client to make a decision. So I decided to change how I conducted the consultation calls.

I implemented these changes:

1. Reduced the consult call to 30 minutes (if they wanted to chat more they could pay a consult fee)

2. Broke down my call into three main parts:
   a. the client’s problem/goal,
   b. info about my packages,
   c. getting booked, and next steps.

3. Changed how I presented my offer and added price anchoring to make it easy for clients to choose working with me

Having a structured consultation call has been a game-changer. If your calls are dragging on without clients deciding to hire you on the call, then you need to revise what you say on your consultation call.

To help you do just that, I have written out a minute-by-minute playbook of what you should say during your 30-minute complimentary call. I call it my 100K Consult Call Script and you can get it here — my gift to you.

Change your consult call structure, reduce the call down to half an hour, and present your offers using price anchoring. This will create a thrust in your airplane of a small business and your business will take off!

4. Offer a no-brainer package option

My design package at the time was priced at $3500 for a two-week website build for 5 pages. I was meeting a lot of clients who were just starting a new business for whom that was a high budget. Now my two-week design packages are at $9800 and may even be more by the time you read this. And yes, I enjoyed working on two-week websites. Clients were fun to work with and the website content was interesting to build.

But I didn’t like the feeling of turning away clients who clearly loved the idea of working with me, only if there was a better financial fit. However, I didn’t like the idea of reducing my prices on the two-week package for just those clients who could not afford my packages.

Enter: Website In A Day Package

Instead, I decided to reduce the time and deliverables. I came up with a Website In A Day package which I would deliver in a single day. It would only be a three-page website at US$1500 (later $1800) This pricing is likely more by the time you read this article or the package may no longer be on offer in the future).

Over time, I perfected this day-long design process. I made it super streamlined with me knowing every task that needs to get completed and by when. Clients loved the affordability and the fast turnaround aspect, plus they loved that they could get to work with me at a price point better suited for their new business.

This one offer was exactly what folks were looking for. In 2022, I booked 28 Websites In A Day which made for 42% of my annual revenue goal.

If you are a web designer or freelancer service-based business owner wanting to hit the $100K mark in your business, such a streamlined no-brainer package will help you get there.

5. Invest in a tool for easily getting paid and getting contracts e-signed

This one investment has had an immense ROI (return on investment) in my business because it made it super easy for clients to hire me. Before this app, I would send my clients a digital contract in one email from an app. Then I would send them a payment link or an invoice from another app. Clients would either sign the contract but not pay on time or pay but not have the contract signed on time. This caused unnecessary delays and confusion.

When I invested in Honeybook, this changed overnight. Honeybook have a brochure feature which I have not seen anywhere else: it allows you to send one email that has both the payment button as well as the e-contract for e-signature.

One. Single. Email.

I created a template for this which I would then customize for each new client project — so creating the contract and payment email would take about 20–30 minutes vs several hours before Honeybook.

Honeybook* (affiliate link) is just one example. There are other tools and if you find one you like, go for it. My point is: find a system/app that makes the hiring process easy for your clients so you can get to work and focus on the creative part of the design business.

On a side note, I do want to mention that I have always gotten paid in advance by my clients, either online or in person. Having the money question out of the way has opened up my creativity and focus so that during the project I am not worried about whether or not I will get paid. I highly recommend getting paid well before the project starts so you too can unleash your creativity and serve your clients in the best possible way. Clients have had no issues paying upfront, it’s only a mental hurdle in the mind of the freelancer that folks won’t want to do it. This is a topic for a whole other article but I wanted to mention it here briefly.

So there you are. Five changes that helped me hit my coveted goal and actually more than tripled my revenue from $32,171.30 in 2021 to $106,375.28 in 2022. I invite you to consider these changes in your business and see what happens:

1. Cut down your offers to two

2. Stop doing custom quotes

3. Prime your consultation calls to convert leads into clients

4. Offer a no-brainer package option

5. Invest in a tool for easily getting paid and getting contracts e-signed

Let me know in the comments how you would apply these 5 points and whether you have them implemented.

PS: For more tips and invites to trainings on how to grow your freelance online business, join the Abundant Creative Newsletter here.

Content Creation & Overcoming the Pressure For Excellence

Blog #140: Overcoming the Pressure For Excellence

Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

Being an expert on a topic is great. And hopefully, you are on the journey to becoming good at whatever it is that you want to do.

But right now, if you don’t consider yourself an expert, let that not stop you from starting. How?

You do that using three specific ways of thinking that I will share in this article.

The Excellence Pressure & The Heavy Mental Cost
There is a real drive for excellence in our culture. Whether it is getting straight A’s, being multi-disciplinary or well-rounded in all subjects, and earning a high income, the emphasis on being really really good is tremendous. It comes from our parents, our friends, from pop culture and media at large. Some of it is also self-created, of course.

Although creating excellence in any field is a worthy aspiration, the pressure when not handled right starts killing our spirits and our creativity and unfortunately, also literally killing us. It can show up in being prone to illness, becoming unhealthy in our food intake, and postponing movement. It shows up in emotional distress and the inability to deal with setbacks we face in life such as heartbreak, job loss, or other types of hardships, and sadly, shows up as countless people of all ages succumb to the pressure that leads to suicide.*

The need to be good, nay, excellent at something even before one has begun is something I have felt every time I write a blog or Medium article. I feel it before I post on Linkedin or begin to create content for YouTube.

These are some thoughts that fly through my mind:

I am not an expert. This exact topic has been written about by people before. And they have written better pieces of work. Plus, they are Stanford or Harvard professors who have written books and taught the subject for decades.

So the conclusion I make is:

Whatever I say or write will be irrelevant, will not be excellent, and cannot be of value as a result. Thus, no one will watch it or read it. I should just give up, curl up in a ball, and go hide under a rock.

Yes, I know. It’s intense!

This is something I have often felt; far too often. I felt it before writing this article.

And I share this because there is a false sense of perfection that we feel the need to present to the outside world. How many times have you put your “game face” on right before a client call on Zoom, having just cried your face off a few minutes before? I have. Plenty of times.

While researching for this article, I came across this article in the New York Times* about the “practice of acting happy and self-assured even when sad or stressed”. The article presents this description of students on college campuses who feel the pressure to put up a positive front even when they are facing hardships:

”In 2003, Duke jolted academe with a report describing how its female students felt pressure to be “effortlessly perfect”: smart, accomplished, fit, beautiful and popular, all without visible effort. At Stanford, it’s called the Duck Syndrome. A duck appears to glide calmly across the water, while beneath the surface it frantically, relentlessly paddles.”

The Duck image says it all.

Translate the above to the pressure of perfection in writing and creating content and you get the point.

To break this chain of thought, I then, have to actively remind myself of a few very healthy, wholesome pieces of advice:

1. “What a terrible conclusion!”

First, “What a terrible conclusion!” This makes me laugh because it’s a line from one of my favorite SNL skits ( see 1.48 seconds into this clip or watch the whole 5 min! The Nuni’s (Natalie Portman) new boyfriend Geoff (Jason Sudeikis) asks whether Gorillas were killed to make the “hair chair” he is sitting on. Then the mom, Nuni (Maya Rudolph) responds, “What a terrible conclusion!” in the most funny way, at least to me. And it makes me laugh each time. My husband and I say this line to each other whenever we have a misunderstanding of some sort and we break into laughter.

This is a scene at our home: One of us says,” The cats look hungry. It seems that no one fed them.” To which one of us replies, ”What a terrible conclusion!” We both break out in laughter.

Okay, I digress.

So I remind myself that because I am not an expert or don’t have degrees or decades committed to the subject, doesn’t make my writing any less valuable. “That’s a terrible conclusion”, I say to myself. By that logic, no one would ever say a word or write a thing until they had already reached excellence. This of course doesn’t mean I don’t work towards excellence. But on the path to it, I can still be making a difference.

2. Make a Contribution to the Conversation

Denise Duffield Thomas of the Lucky Bitch books has a piece of advice that I want to share with you. She says to think about anything you are doing as “making a contribution” to the conversation. She is a money mindset author and coach. When she was starting out, she understood that there were other money experts out there like Suze Orman. But instead of letting that discourage her, she decided to contribute to the conversation of improving our money mindset - sharing her angle, her thoughts, her experiences.

I love that. Because now, with that kind of approach, the pressure is off. You are contributing to the conversation not necessarily having to be the last word on any topic.

3. Be an Enthusiast
Another way to think about it is how Gary Vee puts it: Be an enthusiast.

Create content and in doing so, show your enthusiasm about a topic, you get to learn about yourself and what you are curious about. Share your enthusiasm on the topic and you don’t have to be an expert.

Don’t claim to be an expert. Simply share your enthusiasm!

So whether you remind yourself of “what a terrible conclusion!” you are making when you count yourself out or to contribute to the conversation or be an enthusiast on a topic, remove the pressure on yourself that is stopping you from creating and bringing your gifts to our world.

This is a surefire way to remove the fear of not being perfect in what you are creating. Let there be typos. I have seen typos in best-selling New York Times books that had a team of editors and years of production time. Allow yourself to be human! This advice is for me as much as for anyone reading this article.

All of this will help you to create, innovate, and move forward. It will remove the hurdle of waiting until you are great at something.

Start now.

Do this now.

And the fruit of this process might just be you demonstrating excellence.

Share your experience with this in the comments. I would love to know what goes on your mind when it comes to creating.

PS: For more tips and invites to trainings on how to grow your freelance online business, join the Abundant Creative Newsletter here.

Sources:

Robinson Ph.D., Bryan. “Grappling With The Rise Of Work-Related Suicide During The Pandemic: How To Support Yourself And Fellow Coworkers.” Forbes, 5 Sept. 2020, https://www.forbes.com/sites/bryanrobinson/2020/09/05/grappling-with-the-rise-of-work-related-suicide-during-the-pandemic-how-to-support-yourself-and-fellow-coworkers/?sh=6aa65bf548d2 Retrieved on Feb 6th, 2024

Scelfo, Julie. “Suicide on Campus and the Pressure of Perfection.” The New York Times, 2 Aug. 2015, https://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/02/education/edlife/stress-social-media-and-suicide-on-campus.html Retrieved Feb 6th, 2024

SNL. “The Art Dealers: Their Daughter’s New Boyfriend” YouTube, 1 Feb 2018, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVqagvk7dLw

GaryVee. “A Rant That Will Destroy Your Imposter Syndrome On Social Media” YouTube, 9 Aug 2022, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpVX4jJNu4k

24 Tools I Use To Run My Freelance Web Design Business

Blog #139: 24 Tools I Use To Run My Freelance Web Design Business

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Recently, I reviewed all the tools that I use in my freelance web design business. I like to take an inventory from time to time to see where I can invest in tools that will help me simplify and streamline my business, and remove those that don’t serve me anymore.

In 2024, it turns out I currently use 24 tools to run my business and deliver my design packages. In today's article, I am breaking them into six categories so it’s easier to follow: client acquisition and communication, payments, design, organization and project management, legal, finances, taxes, admin, content production, and social media.

I. Client Acquisition and Communication

1. Zoom: Zoom for consult calls, and client communication during projects as well as webinars and paid workshops.

2. 9Designs/Squarespace Marketplace: This is my main source of client projects. Many new designers hesitate to go on a freelancer platform because of the fees they charge. But if you are not booked out or making the revenue goal you want, getting a profile set up on a platform like Upwork or others and diligently applying to jobs will make a huge difference. Remember it won’t be forever, just to get your foot into the door.

3. Squarespace (Hosting, Domain, Client intake, online presence): This is where I host my website, purchased my domain, and have an online presence. As a Squarespace web designer, this makes sense.

4. ConvertKit: This is my email marketing platform. Mailerlite is my second favorite as it is cheaper and delivers the key features that Convertkit delivers. But the user interface and ease of use of ConvertKit keep me there for now.

5. Google Workspace (for email): This is where I get my business email from.

6. Google Drive (for client content): I use Google Drive to receive all client content including text, images, logos, and links. They also fill out two questionnaires which are hosted on my website.

7. Keynote: I love using Keynote, mostly for presentation slides for my webinars or YouTube videos. I have also used Google Slides, which I may switch to in the future.

8. Pages: I love Pages for creating PDFs - such as my welcome package, finished website PDF, and my Bio/Testimonials PDF that I send to any new client inquiring about a project.

9. WeTransfer: If I am not sending a recording link of my website launch training on Zoom, I may send the entire video recording via WeTransfer.

10. Acuity Scheduling: This is the app that I got legacy pricing on as I was using it when Squarespace first acquired it. So I have all my consult calls on there. Calendly, and Whereby are my other alternatives.

11. Loom (for client communication): During my two-week design project workflow, I will often use Loom for presenting my design draft or asking a question to a client. This allows for more asynchronous communication and avoids lengthy meetings on Zoom.

12. Honeybook: This tool can be it’s own productivity app. But I primarily use it for sending a single email that has both the payment link and the contract in one. This has saved countless hours of back and forth and got me booked faster.

II. Payments

13. Stripe: Stripe is the tool I use for receiving payments for clients who book me directly via my website or if I have digital products or live paid workshops.

14. Paypal: Paypal is the payment processor that I use to get paid for my projects via 99Design. Squarespace integrates with both Stripe and Paypal, so if you create a product or service there, you can offer both options to your clients.

III. Design

15. Canva: Mostly for creating video clips, documents, and some graphics.

16. Picmonkey: I use Picmonkey for image alterations, enhancement and YouTube thumbnails

IV. Organization and Project Management

17. Notion: This is now my entire business operations. I have my goals, workflows, content creation, everything in Notion.

18. Milanote: Milanote is where my headquarters used to be. I have moved most of my things from Mila to Notion but still have some archives there which I would like to eventually move to Notion and have a single online headquarters.

(See also point 6). Google Drive: (Google Docs and folders for client content) Google Drive is mostly for clients to send me their content inside Google Docs and folders.

V. Legal, Finances, Taxes, Admin

19. Turbo Tax: I use Turbo Tax to pay my taxes.

(See also point 6) Google Drive (Finance Spreadsheet): This is where I track my income and expenses. I find it very encouraging to track income and potential income in here.

VI. Content Production and Social Media

20. QuickTime: Quicktime is what I use for recording my screen and also my face for YouTube tutorials.

21. iMovie: This is my editing software. I am keeping things simple with video editing. I may explore other options like Final Cut Pro or hire a video editor when things progress in my content creation branch of my business or for course creation.

22. YouTube: All my long-form videos are published on YouTube. This is part of my leveraged business model.

23. LinkedIn: Also part of my leveraged business model, LinkedIn is where I post short-form content and link it to my website.

24. Medium: Also part of my leveraged business model, Medium is where I post my long-form content and link it to my website.

These are all the paid and free tools I use in my one-to-one web design business. I have also used Upwork in the past for client acquisition and Teachable/Crowdcast for course hosting and webinars but I don’t use these anymore. I may have a section for courses and digital products here later when I grow that part of my business.

There you have it: six categories and 24 tools to grow and build my solopreneur online web design business. Post below in the comments any apps that are critical to your business or alternatives you think I should consider to those I am currently using.

PS: For more tips and invites to trainings on how to grow your freelance online business, join the Abundant Creative Newsletter here.

Cop-out or Commitment to 10X

Blog #138: Cop-out or Commitment to 10X

Photo by Rohan Reddy on Unsplash

What feels like a commitment to you, may look like a cop-out to others.

That’s what happened recently when I called off a new project even before it began.

The project was a new YouTube interview series where I would chat with web designers, freelancers, and content creators. The aim: to help freelancers build and grow their solopreneur business online.

It was exciting. Four people booked to be guests. But as it got closer to getting things organized, I felt this increasing unease. After a day of feeling a knot in my stomach, I called it off.

From the outside, this looks like a cop-out. I seem unreliable and flip-floppy in my decisions. But on the inside, this took courage. Courage not only to write that message to my guests but courage to stay committed to my Unique Ability.

I was committing to my Unique Ability.

What is “Unique Ability”?

At the start of this year, I learned deeply about this idea in the book, 10X is Easier than 2x by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. They write that your Unique Ability is “where you have superior skills, where you’re intrinsically motivated and are energized and engaged, and it’s where you see a never-ending possibility for improvement.” It’s about becoming familiar and really clear about what you like and dislike and that your judgments about your experience are completely valid. It’s becoming open to your preferences and not letting other people’s opinions about what you do affect you.

”Unique Ability is qualitative and individual, it’s extremely unique value that only you can create…It’s a combination of a degree of skill as well as an extreme degree of uniqueness.” - Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy

It’s akin to what I have heard Oprah Winfrey in her talks and speeches mention repeatedly when she said, “I want to fulfill the highest, truest expression of myself as a human being.”

But as the authors write in the book, committing to one’s Unique Ability is the “hardest and most intense thing you will ever do.” It’s about taking inventory of where you are investing your time and what activities are taking up your mental bandwidth.

That takes courage. Saying no to invitations is hard. Choosing to work a 4-day week is not easy. Filling up your calendar with the most important items will lead to very little time remaining for anything else. And canceling projects you asked your guests to join, not just once, but twice, does feel awkward.

“I want to fulfill the highest, truest expression of myself as a human being.”

— Oprah

Facing One’s Ego

Sometimes you’ve got to face your past decisions. The first time I canceled the YouTube interview series was because I had already a very full schedule and I was trying to squeeze-in one more thing into my calendar. I could see that I was moving toward burnout very fast this way. So I dropped the project.

The second time I canceled the project was out of a renewed sense of self-awareness.

"As you develop your Unique Ability...You'll stop forcing yourself to do anything you don't want to do. You'll accept and live by what psychologists call pull motivation, rather than push motivation. When you're pulled by what you want and what excites you, that's freedom and intrinsic motivation. You'll no longer operate based on need, but want." - Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy

After taking time to reflect on my goals, I realized that starting the interview series was based on a need, not a true desire or want. I was giving in to this idea that creating a YouTube interview series is something I "should" do because I heard or read somewhere that this is a great way to build an audience and grow my business. Although I was excited about meeting the guests and asking them questions, the whole logistics of conducting the series, editing, and putting it all together was something that had begun to drain me. Sure, I can outsource all of that but the project as a whole was making me feel out of my element. I started to get this feeling that I should dye my hair, buy new makeup, and change who I essentially am so I can be “good enough” to host the show!

Changing myself to be “good enough”! Phew! These are all signs that I was embarking on this project because of some idea that was not inherently mine. It was not an authentic desire driving me forward. It came from a feeling that I “should do” this. And that is not healthy or wholesome.

Questions You Can Ask Yourself When Making Decisions

If you are faced with a decision and don’t quite know which path to take, ask yourself these questions. Then assess if a project or a decision is something you want to embark on and if it’s helping you towards your 10x goals.

1. Is this in alignment with my Unique Ability?

2. Is this something that is fun, enjoyable, or inspiring?

3. Will this project help me explore the edge of my 20%?

Letting Go is Part of Embracing The 20%

One of the ideas in the book is about letting go of the 80% to focus on the 20%. This 20% is the edge where you take what you are really good at and get even better. It’s connected to going 10x which is an ongoing process of increasing the quality and decreasing the quantity of what you do. The 20% of everything you do is where the magic lies, allowing you to focus on the 10x goals, and that requires you to focus on fewer things than many.

Letting go more and more of the 80% that takes up your time is essential if you want to go 10x. This doesn’t necessarily mean eliminating it altogether, of course; it can mean delegating to a new hire or automating the tasks. But it is also about letting go of that which is not serving your 10x goals.

Committing to Your Unique Ability

As I read the chapter on Unique Ability in the book, I realized that if I am not enjoying the things I am doing in my business, then I shouldn’t be doing them. Either eliminate or delegate. As soon as I made the decision to call off the interview series, a knot in my stomach seemingly released. I felt at ease. I felt free.

Diving deeper into what inspires me, I realize that what I truly want to do is write and share ideas, insights, and strategies that can help online entrepreneurs and freelancers succeed. It’s not making YouTube interview videos unless I can tap into it from a true desire that brings joy and excitement and I am open to that happening at a later time.

Letting go of something you’ve started is okay. Even if it seems to others as wishy-washy behavior. You are allowed to re-commit to your most important priorities, to your 10x goals, to your Unique Ability. What others think of how you commit your time is none of your business!

I am committing to my Unique Ability.

…

PS: If you are on LinkedIn, I invite you to ​connect with me​ there for more conversations and connections. If you want more tips and invites to trainings on how to grow your freelance online business, join the Abundant Creative Newsletter here.

I don’t Own A Toaster

Blog #137: I don’t own a toaster.

I don't own a toaster.

I don't own it because I like my kitchen counter free of appliances. In fact, I like my kitchen counter with nothing on it - wide, empty, and clear like watching the ocean from the shore!

I make my toast in the oven.

When people come to my home and I make them breakfast, I use my oven to make them toast. They comment, "Wow, you don't own even $10 toaster?"

And I smile with peace. I have the $10 to buy a toaster but I choose not to.

These are the kinds of choices my hubby and I make on the regular. They don't fit the norm but they fit our sense of a "rich life" to borrow Ramit Sethi's phrase.

From time to time, I find myself making decisions based on other people's expectations or the unspoken rules of society and I have to remind myself to find my authentic preference. It's not easy. But I practice with small things like the toaster!

What choices could you make in your life that are truly motivated by your personal preference, point of view, and values out of inner alignment? What ideas, practices, and values can you let go of that don't bring forth your truest, most authentic self?

I'll leave you with this quote which has inspired me today:

“Wealth has little to do with how much you earn and a lot to do with how you live. One of the simplest ways to grow wealthier is pushing to detach yourself from peer pressure and care less about what people think of how you live.”

— MORGAN HOUSEL

…

PS: If you are on LinkedIn, I invite you to ​connect with me​ there for more conversations and connections. If you want more tips and invites to trainings on how to grow your freelance online business, join the Abundant Creative Newsletter here.

126: On a personal note - Celebrating my mom

I don't usually share my personal life on social media, blog or here on the newsletter but today I am sharing on a personal note (Squarespace Web Design content will be back in my next email).
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The first half of September has been relaxed and easy going for me - by choice. I closed down the "tap" on 99Designs/Squarespace Marketplace to be able to spend some time with my mom who has been visiting from New Jersey. (Tap is my word of endearment for the client flow that comes from my profile on the 99D/SqMkpt platform). I did create a website in a day (sharing that in my next blog) and also cared for my Millionaire Web Designer coaching student. But overall it was mostly about being with Mom.
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My mom, Hema, has been an important influence on my life. Not just as a caring mother who instructed me to always sit on the front seat in my classroom growing up back in Mumbai. Not just as a nurturer who helped me excel in school (helping me to consistently rank 2nd in class from 1st grade through 9th grade). But also as someone who without batting an eye included my German husband into the family while so many Indian American mom's are hellbent that their kids marry other Indians - or more specifically those from their own language, region and religion. As soon as I mentioned to my mom that I would be marrying Cristof (see photo below) who is from Stuttgart, she made wedding preps with love and acceptance in her heart (same for my dad too, by the way, who embraced Cristof as his son immediately upon being introduced!).
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My mom is also the one who patiently encouraged me back in 2015 to look into Odesk (now Upwork) for freelance work when I was stumbling with my mediation workshop business. She also had never judged me for not working in the field of film after receiving my very prestigious NYU BFA in Film and then not implementing after receiving my master's degree in International Relations in Germany. Instead, going on to start a photobook design business!
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Thankfully, I took her advice and created a profile on Odesk which eventually became the place where I started getting hired for ConvertKit account setups along with Mailchimp email marketing and other such projects. I am now running a web design business that's bringing in $10K average months, allowing me to live in a beautiful natural reserve (in the Appalachian mountains dozens of miles away from a major city), work from home and have a positive impact on those whom I serve.
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I am grateful to my mom for all of that and much more. But most of all, I am grateful to her for the 20 years of waking up 3 in the morning to go do hard physical labor at a warehouse in New Jersey as a new immigrant from India so that we, the family, could survive and so that I could get a scholarship from her worker's union to go to NYU (+ lots of student loans!) and medical insurance for my Dad's heart which would have been totally unaffordable otherwise. And she did all of that with love in her heart and no expectations.
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And now as she enjoys her retired life, I only want to shower her with love and appreciation and make her life as comfortable as I can.

Thank you Mom for all that you have done for us and all that you are. I am so happy she was with me for two weeks this September.

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Trivia: My mom loves to draw and make illustrations. Plus she loves to create amazing dishes from around the world and of course, most delicious Indian foods from Dosa and Uttapam from the South to vegetable Biryani from the North of India.

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Your Turn:

Who are the people who have supported you on your entrepreneurial journey? Let me know in the comments.

Cheers to you and your abundant creativity,
🦄🦄🦄 Sophia

116: Becoming Like A Tree - How I am working through my content creation block

I feel like I have been censoring myself. Recently, when I got inspired to write a blog post or make video, I told myself that I already talk about it in my coaching program, so why post about it. When I got an idea on how web designers can raise their pricing, the thought arose, “I teach that within my coaching program”. Or when I came up with a perspective to share on how to handle the workflow of a design project, again my mind said, “Don’t you share that in-depth in the coaching program curriculum? Why give it away for free?”.

My Program Is Substantial. But That Shouldn’t Be A Reason Why I Don’t Blog On Those Same Topics

Yes, it’s true that I have laid out everything inside my group coaching program which is an exclusive program I created to help web designers build a thriving business - not just a six figure business but grow to a Million $ Net Worth. I share everything I know, share my emails, my processes, my strategies, and my game-plans. I show actual screenshots from within my business. It’s my way to pass on everything to other designers. It’s a fantastic program, my best work - if I may say so myself.

Because I have all my gems inside this program, when it comes to creating new blog and video content, I’ve censored myself. And this is exactly what I want to work through and break free from because I have been feeling suffocated. As if I can only talk about certain things and not others and my mind was not free to share and explore with my audience new ideas and perspectives.

My Wise Husband Speaks

So I asked my very wise husband for some guidance. Cristof, who is also the finance coach inside the program and an overall genius when it comes to finance, business and online marketing, shared an exercise with me. And I want to share it with you, in case, you too have some kind of a content creation block, or some kind of a block in your business.

He said, “Journal a response to this question, “Why is it worth blogging freely about what I know?” and then do this for a month every day.”

Why Is It Worth Doing …?

There are two key things to note about this exercise:
1. The question is very purposefully presented in a positive action oriented format. The question asks why is it worth blogging freely, instead of why is it worth letting go of this block. Both ways of posing this question will work for different people in different moods. For me, the former is easier to grasp because “blogging freely” is an action I can do, “letting go” is an action that feels abstract and intangible.

2. Cristof asked me to do this exercise every day. It can be a quick one minute journaling. And it’s okay if I come up with the same answers as the previous day. The key here is repetition. Clearly, this block is a result of some way of thinking, a belief that is deep in my subconscious. And just one time writing it may not be very effective (it can be sometimes, of course). We often need repetition for things to settle into the trenches of our brain and to replace old subconscious beliefs! So writing this out every day for a month will help me highlight the positive reasons and benefits of blogging freely and break free of the block.

So phrase the question in a way that it is tangible and action-oriented (blogging freely, in this case) and journal every day for a month.

Answers That Came Up For Me

I want to share some of the realizations of this simple exercise that are helping me breakthrough my content creation block:

Why is it worth blogging freely about what I know?

Because Nathan Barry (founder of ConvertKit) said to me, “Teach Everything You Know”. (He actually wrote this when he signed his book at his Craft & Commerce conference some years ago).
Because I have benefitted from others sharing freely.
Because I want to have a positive domino effect in the world.
Because knowledge is power only when it is shared and not when it goes to the grave with the knowledge-holder.
Because I can save years and years of time for a fellow web designer and that time saved is priceless for us as humanity.
Because I can help another designer be independent and stand on their feet and not have to kill their dreams before they had a chance to sprout and bloom fully.
Because I can show other designers how to earn $5-$10K monthly with web design services with ease and this kind of revenue can mean a world of difference for most web designers.
Because I believe that if an action can help even just 1 person in a small way, then it is an action worth taking.
Because there is no guarantee that I will have another day to share my experience meaningfully (because tomorrow is not guaranteed to any one of us.)
Because there are many avenues through which abundance finds its way to me, and the coaching program is just one of them.
Because sharing is what trees do; they share all that they have and in doing so they prosper naturally.
Because I am a creative being and restrictions on what I blog about is like putting a candle inside a vacuum.

Becoming like a Tree

The two key take aways from this exercise. One is that I must become like the tree. Trees share all they have. For example, they share their fruits which are eaten by birds who then pass those seeds in some other area and in this way new trees grow. That’s how they prosper. They let down hundreds and hundreds of acorns which the squirrels put away for their use but only use 20% of what they “plant" away! That’s wisdom! Share freely and simply in doing so we prosper and thrive. I just love trees!

Abundance Has Multiple Avenues

The other key realization for me is to remember that abundance has multiple channels to find me. I have been narrow-minded in thinking that just one program will be the main source of growing my business. But abundance has found so many different avenues to come into my life already and I know that there’s more than one channel that it uses to get to us. The ocean has rivers flowing into it from all directions. And as self-employed web designers, we are like the ocean; not dependent on any single source for our income. It is freeing to think this way and to remember the vast and infinite possibilities that exist.

Now, It’s Your Turn

So my dear, web designer, if you find yourself in a situation where something feels suffocated, or you are inadvertently stifling your creativity or sense of ease and peace, journal to receive some breakthroughs. Ask yourself a positive action-oriented question starting with, “Why is it worth doing …xyz?” And see what comes up as insights and inspirations. Share in the comments for us all, if you feel inspired!

Cheers to you and your abundant creativity,
🦄🦄🦄 Sophia

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One needs an abundant mindset for creating content!

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112: What I need to feel successful

One month of 2022 has come to an end. January, goodbye. Hello, February!

Financially, this was again a record month. I got to build Websites In A Day and serve clients with a variety of website related needs. I am grateful.

As I step into the next month, I remind myself of what’s important in my life and business. At the moment, I run my web design business and although I have some leveraged products and offers, majority of my revenue does come from one to one services. That means I am exchanging my time for dollars. And even though I enjoy my work designing websites and solving website related problems, I know that at a certain point, I will need to find other ways to grow my business so I have a greater sense of time and ease.

What I need to feel successful?

So I am asking myself, what do I need to feel successful? Is it x amount of money in the bank? Is it x amount of time during the day, week and the year? Is it praise and appreciation from my clients and students of my programs?

I think what it comes down to is this: I want to feel financially free.

I want to feel and be financially free. I want to know that if I want to read all morning sitting in my hammock, I can do that. Or if I wanted to make videos all day of streams and waterfalls or of birds and the sky then that would be fine.

I am clearly not there yet. I am working on creating a life where I can experience that level of freedom. I am not interested in fancy cars or precious jewelry or big mansions. I don’t yearn to be famous or be celebrated. What I want is to simply have the choice to sit in my hammock and read an inspiring book all morning. Or take my video camera on a hike and watch droplets fly into the air as the sunlight hits them creating a rainbow of glistening colors. These videos would help people feel a moment of peace in their lives, a quick escape to nature even when they live in concrete city jungles. And I want to do all that knowing that my family of husband and cats will be provided for and I can support animal shelters that take care of all the animals in our area. And then I can also design websites or do coaching calls from time to time.

So in essence it is not so much the money but the freedom of choice and freedom of how I use my time that the money can offer that I am wanting to create for myself.

I believe & I know that this is possible!

I know that this dream is possible as many others have done it. That level of financial freedom is what will make me feel successful. Until I get there, I will make my plans and strategize my way so I can become financially free and help others do the same. And in the meantime, I am grateful for all that I do have and all that I get to create through my web design business. That’s a true blessing.

It feels vulnerable to write this all out in a public post. I’d love to know in the comments what would make you feel successful right now.

Peace,

Sophia

Why rearrange your priorities?

Banner Photo by Nikolay Zakharov on Unsplash

Why Rearrange Your Priorities?

“Insight into death rearranges your priorities.”
- Ajahn Brahm, British Monk living in Bodhinyana Monastery in Australia

During these days where the world seems to be grasped by the events surrounding COVID-19, the above quote from Ajahn Brahm makes a strong point. It’s not just death but the ongoing uncertainty and the realization of how things are impermanent that makes us reassess our priorities.

It’s not that this situation is unique to the spread of the virus. In fact, it was always like this. There was always uncertainty. There was always impermanence. There has always been death around us. But the current situation has simply underscored and highlighted these realities more than before. In fact, it has also brought into focus the stupidity and ignorance of us human beings, it has brought to the fore our own suppressed emotions which may have been residing in the deep recesses of our minds and hearts. Whatever was in the background, quietly hidden behind our blurred vision of our world and ourselves, has come starkly into view and has taken up residence front and center in our awareness.

So, what is it that we need to do?

Process Emotions
When feelings are arising in you, take that as a welcome opportunity to clean out old residue of unprocessed emotion. All that is required is: to acknowledge the emotion, notice it, and become aware of it. The task at hand may be simple but not easy. The emotion will slowly dissolve when you fully give it your attention and care. Not wanting it to go away, just allowing it to be and allowing it to fade way. Just like clouds arising in the blue sky. You watch them appear and slowly they disappear. The biggest hurdle you will create is to want to stop the emotion or want it to go away - in other words, resisting it instead of being present with it.

Process Things
As you stay at home more than normal due to the lock-downs or due to self-quarantine, you will be faced with your stuff even more. By stuff I mean things, objects, papers, furniture, decor, bedding, household items, books, jewelry, electronics, shoes and so on. This is a golden opportunity to let go of anything that has not served you well or has served you and is ready to move on. Things that you didn’t even notice before, now suddenly stand out because you are home more and see it more. Use this chance to assess what needs to go. Things hold energy and as you release them, you open up energetic channels within your body, within your home and even within your bank account to receive what is truly nourishing and uplifting for you. I remind myself this concept with a bookshelf metaphor: Let’s say I have a bookshelf filled to the brim with 50 books. But I want a 51st book that will truly serve me right now. I cannot put it on the bookshelf unless I make room for it and let go a book that has already served me. It is time to let go in order to make room for the new. A really good resource for decluttering things is this blog: Be More With Less

Process Time
By process time, I mean assessing what are the things that take up your time. Even without the virus amongst us, we are aware that we only have so much time on this earth. Sooner or later, our time shall come to shed this body and move on to a new life. So what are we doing with this life, with the time on our hands. Are we wasting it away on mindless social media? Are we spending it carelessly on that which is not wholesome and nourishing? We all do this in some form or another. How can you be vigilant of your time just like one would be of a tap that is endlessly running. We want to close that tap and conserve the precious resource of water. The same we want to do with the tap of time that we have left open. But first, we need to look at our day and see where the leakages are. The most common ones are social media and entertainment. For me, it is Facebook. I have tried to limit my time on FB but the habit has been set. My only option right now is to quit cold turkey. And today I will be sending a note to my friends that I will be ending my FB presence. I know that it will disconnect me from the life of many of my friends. But I’d rather have meaningful quality time with them via Facetime or Skype and eventually in person (after the quarantine and lock-down period is over, of course), than to superficially watch their life from afar. I want to plug those holes that are sucking out precious time away from that which truly matters to me.

Process Priorities
This one is linked to the process time bit. It may be easier to look closely at what your priorities are. If you have no idea what your priorities are, read this blog and do the exercise to find out what truly matters to you. Have your priorities written down on a piece of paper. I keep it in my journal and see it once or twice a week and sometimes every day. It serves as a guide to recalibrate my actions and my activities when I go off course. When one reminds oneself that we have limited time, and the events of our world bring that fact closer to our awareness, we start to reassess - what do I really want to do, how can I really be of use to others, how do I want to redesign and rearrange my time and my priorities.

When you invest the effort and the time in reassess the various areas of your life, you will find that there is much you can do to get in alignment with what’s in your heart, with what brings you true satisfaction and true fulfillment. It’s not an easy path and that is why so many people default to an un-assessed, mindless way of living. It takes time to reflect on our life, it takes courage to let go, it takes patience to see the benefits over time. It’s also not easy because we don’t see anyone in our life doing this and setting an example for us. So we go and seek out those who do. And they are out there. You can find them on the internet, you can find them in monasteries and nunneries, you can find them through books they have written or good deeds that they are doing. Find those that inspire you and then read their work, watch them speak, learn and implement what they teach so you can see for yourself if it makes sense and if it is of any value for your life.

Impermanence, uncertainty and death are part of life. Realizing and understanding them as characteristics of life, can help us live intentionally that gives meaning and fulfillment to us as we take courages steps to continuously reassess, reflect and make positive changes in our lives. It’s a gradual path and an ongoing process of change.

Much love and peace,

Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see the books that inspire me, see the books I love here.

*There are affiliate links on this site. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:

Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too (You are reading it)
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process
Jan 21st: What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Share with us how you are rearranging your priorities or sticking with what’s there.

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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How to craft a mini-retreat at home?

Banner Photo Source: Gaetano Cessati

How to Craft a Mini-Silent-Retreat at Home?

If you are doing a meditation practice weekly, that's already more than not doing any at all. A daily meditation anchors you even more smoothly to your habit of training the mind. It's the day-to-day maintenance to keep the weeds out and cultivate the roses of your garden. If you can bracket your day with a meditation in the morning and one in the evening, you are helping yourself even more. That's something we are working to make a habit of.

What's also helpful is a long retreat of three, five or ten days during which your sole purpose is to cleanse your mind, quiet the mind and go into the depths of your mind to dissolve the "defilements" of greed, hatred and delusion that lead to unwholesome thoughts, speech, and actions.

But when such a retreat is not feasible right away, a one day at-home mini-meditation retreat can come into play. You can do it yourself or with the help of a friend. This is exactly what we are doing this Sunday, starting with a mini-retreat for Cristof.

Three, Five, Ten Day Retreats

Taking time off to go on a ten-day meditation retreat is a wonderful way to rejuvenate our tired minds from the hustle-bustle of our busy lives and to deepen one’s meditation experience. I have done this thrice in the last few years and have found immense benefits of shutting off from the world.

But a ten-day meditation retreat is not always feasible. Many people may not have the opportunity to take ten days off from work and be away from their kids and family. Or the idea of a ten-day meditation retreat sounds simply too daunting. The costs are not necessarily a big factor because a lot of meditation retreats in the Buddhist tradition are donation-based, although traveling costs to those places may be a consideration. Or it could be that you have found a retreat center but it is full already or the next retreat date is months away. In any of those situations, a mini-retreat at home could be the answer.

What is the purpose of a mini-retreat?

A mini-retreat is time spent in meditation and introspection at home with the goal of withdrawing yourself from the daily activities and obligations and taking time to go inwards. It gives your mind and body the time and space to recharge. It allows you to decompress, process open emotional issues, and to be the witness to what’s going on. A mini-retreat can also help you take a breather after an intense period in your life - whether from a busy period at work or an emotional challenge or physical illness that you just had to tackle in recent weeks. Such mini-retreats sprinkled into your schedule can be very helpful to do throughout the year.

How to do a mini-retreat?

The mini-retreat can be crafted in a variety of ways to suit your specific needs and time availability. It can be laid out as a three-day retreat or a one day program or half a day session. Obviously, a three-day retreat allows you ample time to go deep in your practice while a half a day session is a quick dip into your inner-world and a day program can allow you just enough time to mix in a few different introspective exercises. Think of the half-day retreat as the essential building block. You can then repeat it twice to make the one-day retreat. And then use it again to carve out a three-day retreat schedule. See my example below:

The Half-Day Retreat Schedule

The Day Retreat Schedule

The 3-Day Retreat Schedule

Morning
Breakfast
Meditation
Reading
Watching a Monk/Nun talk on a Buddhist idea
Meditation

Morning
Breakfast
Meditation
Reading
Watching a Monk/Nun talk on a Buddhist idea
Meditation
Lunch

Afternoon
Walk
Meditation
Reading
Watching a Monk/Nun talk on a Buddhist idea
Meditation
Dinner

Repeat the Day-Retreat Schedule on three consecutive days. Alternatively,

Day 1 : Half Day Retreat Schedule
Day 2: Day Retreat Schedule
Day 3: Half-Day Retreat Schedule

* Note: Keeping noble silence is very helpful to quiet the mind. If you need assistance or need to convey an important matter for logistics of your retreat to your family, you may of course speak (but as minimally as possible).

As you can see, the main components of the retreat include:
1. Time for Meditation
2. Time for Reading
3. Time for Listening To A Monk/Nun or someone who can expound on meditation or spiritual matters

I have not included writing or journaling because that involves a lot of mental activity. But if writing down insights or ideas is part of your process, try it out but limit the time you do that during the retreat so that you can stay present with the other components of the retreat.

Regardless of what schedule you pick, a mini-retreat will allow you the space you need for inner-work.

Where to do the mini-retreat?

If you have the means to do it, rent a lovely Air BnB that is calm and peaceful. If you are doing this by yourself, see that you arrange for food and other needs before the retreat starts. Pick up food for three days and freeze it so you only have to warm it up.

If you can get your kids and spouse or friends on board to help you accomplish this, you can do this at home and it becomes even easier. See if you can have a bedroom or just a corner of the house where you will be undisturbed and without interruptions. When family members are involved in helping you, you feel an extra juice of support and love when they take care of household duties and all you have to do is focus on your retreat. Children can also be involved, for example, they can ring the bell when your meditation session is over or even join you in meditation if they already have been introduced to meditation before. Generally speaking, see that it is a retreat where you have the least contact with people because if you see your children in the room, their adorableness may distract you from the task at hand! But do what works. If your day retreat makes your children want to meditate, hey, that’s a wonderfully positive thing.

Mini-Retreat at Our Home

Let me share with you how my husband and I are planning on a mini-retreat at the end of this month.

We agreed that we each want to do an annual ten-day meditation retreat. But in the months before and after the retreat, we want to do a one-day retreat per quarter, so four times a year. Each one will be in charge of arranging the retreat logistics for the other. In that way, the person doing the retreat can truly have a break from all responsibilities and be present with their process.

So we will first start off with a day-long retreat for Cristof. We picked a Sunday. I will take care of preparing and serving breakfast, lunch, and dinner and have it served in the kitchen. I will also ring the bell to denote the transition from one session to another. Tea will be served throughout the day in between meal times. Cristof will pre-select his reading materials as well as audio teachings from a Monk or a Nun before the retreat day.

The room where he will do the retreat will either be my office or our bedroom. My office is quiet and sparse. My office has a desk, a chair and an IKEA lounge Flottebo sofa bed. There are no books, papers or other office supplies in that room as all those things are very “loud” and overwhelming for me when I work. I like to work in as empty and orderly a space I can find. That’s why the office also makes for a great space for a meditation retreat. But if Cristof finds the chair and desk and the sofa unnecessary, then we can set everything up in the upstairs bedroom which is even more sparse. We have two Japanese futon mattresses on the floor, a meditation cushion, a floor lamp, and an IKEA Stockholm side table. The mattresses can be rolled up and put away into the closet and the table can be moved to another room creating an empty room with no furnishings. Then all that will remain is a small lamp which can be used for reading. I think I will post some photos of the space that he uses just for ideas and inspiration for your own retreat.

Cristof’s Day Retreat Schedule

Morning
4:55 am Wake up
5:00 am Meditate
6:00 am Read (with tea)
7:00 am Meditate
8:00 am Dhamma Talk (Monk/Nun audio)
9:00 am Breakfast

9:30 am Meditate
10:30 am Read (with tea)
11:00 am Meditate

Afternoon
12:00 pm Lunch
12:30 pm Walk
1:30 pm Meditate
2:30 pm Read
3:30 pm Meditate
4:30 pm Dhamma Talk (Monk/Nun audio) with tea
5:00 pm End of Retreat

*Writing/Journaling as insights arise.
**Noble silence is maintained in the house by all.

Ultimately, it’s important to carve out an area in your home that will be suitable for your needs. Give it a try. It won’t be perfect but you will learn more about what is helpful and conducive for your mediation/silent retreat and what is not and make adjustments along the way.

Do let us know in the comments if you have done such a retreat and what were your experiences like.

Peace,
Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see what books have inspired and helped me, see my list of favorite books here.

*There are affiliate links on this site. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Have you done an at-home meditation retreat? What did you find conducive and helpful for your experience? What would you recommend others on their home retreat?

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too

Banner Photo Source: Shwetha Shankar on Unsplash

The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:
.
Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too (You are reading it)
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process
Jan 21st: What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

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Last week, I wrote about the process of finding out what’s truly important to you. I have been dealing with this question ever since I found myself feeling uncomfortable sensations in my stomach - a gut feeling that something’s not right and that something needs to change. (I wrote about this uncanny feeling in an article here and how you too can work through it).

What I discovered through this process was not something new - I had known this all along but now I became more fully and clearly aware of it. I became aware that one of the things I really want to do is to: ”Create videos, books, articles that help people live a life of happiness”.

But for that to happen, I need to make time for meditation, being in nature and being in silence. That’s because I can only help others through my own spiritual progress. I need to keep letting go and dissolving my negative mental states and shift into a positive state of love, equanimity, and inner-peace and then show others how they too can do this for their own lives. If I don’t intentionally allocate time in my life for that, then this cannot happen.

If you did the process of finding out what’s truly important, you too will have identified what is of essence in your life. But just knowing about it and being aware of it is not enough. You have to take bold steps and create the time and space in your busy life for it so that it actually manifests in your life. Otherwise, you become aware of it and then it gets put away in the back of your mind again or buried in some papers in a drawer somewhere. We need to make what’s important to us take up time on our calendar, it is to actually happen in our life.

Eight Hours a Week To Make Room For What’s Truly Important

So in order to offer these weekly classes to our community every Wednesday, we needed to block off one day a week for it. That means we have left 4 days left for our work week.

As I am self-employed running my web design and online marketing service, I do have a bit more freedom in planning my week. So, along with my husband, we decided to invest one day a week in writing, reading and meditating and volunteering once a week to facilitate a weekly meditation class for our community. (The classes are free to all - if you are in Boone, NC area you are welcome to come join us - see dates and location here)

And now we are both working only 4 days a week.

In other words, we have four days a week to earn our livelihood. We grew up around the 5 days a week work model and so this is an experiment. We know that we are not the only ones doing this kind of an experiment. Many companies are putting limits on the number of hours their employees work in a week, only to find an increase in productivity, creativity, satisfaction, and happiness of their teams. Some countries are even experimenting with a four-day workweek.

Make it Work for Your Current Schedule

This may or may not be possible for someone working a full-time job. But you can still carve out time in your workweek by getting a little creative. Start with an hour a day during the workweek. That’s five hours. Then, add an hour and a half on the weekends. That totals to eight hours a week. 8 hrs/week in this way = 1 day/week in our way.

Maybe it is only 3.5 hours a week for you or half an hour each day. You can carve out time in a way that works in your current schedule and still make it work. You will find that our lives are already filled with so many unimportant distractions that take up so much time - just remove those distractions and you will end up with more than enough time to devote to what’s truly important to you. Consider how much TV you watch or how much social media scrolling takes up your time. There are all kinds of distractions from useless conversations, activities that you said yes to that you only said yes to be polite, not saying no to all the people who want a piece of your time. It’s not easy, I know because we love our friends and the people in our lives. But you can start slowly, bit by bit.

How a 4-Day Work Week Impacts Our Income and Energy

How this change to a 4-day work week affect our productivity, income levels and time management is still something we are monitoring. Maybe our income will go down because there’s one day less to work on projects. Maybe it will go up because we’ve become more focused and productive (like all those studies show). I know that my time scrolling my Facebook feed has gone done tremendously this year because of our new plan because there’s just no time for it!

May be our current projects will overflow into the weekend. That actually just happened last week for my husband. He was working both Saturday and Sunday and now today is Monday and he is a bit ill because of a lack of rest. It sure is not easy to manage a full workload from a 5 day week into a 4 day week. Plus, our weekends are serious business usually - they are all about rest and recharging and so he is used to getting rejuvenated on the weekend to be at his best during the week. But without that weekend rest, it has affected everything. However, I know that this is part of our process. We have only started this new schedule six weeks ago. So there will be adjustment period and we may more such work overflows into the weekend.

But what I can say is that from volunteering our time once a week to the community towards a cause and a purpose that we deeply believe in (helping people find inner-peace through meditation), is very fulfilling for us. It has given us a deep sense of purpose and meaning.

And it has also contributed to an increase in actual physical energy on the days we do our meditation classes. We get a million things done on that day, starting from meditating in the morning, brainstorming topic for the class, drafting a 4 to 5-page handout, refining that text, printing copies for the participants, uploading the text to the blog, making a PDF version of the text for instant download, charging the batteries for the camera, preparing lunch, getting the gear ready (tripod, lav mic, extension cables, camera, water bottles), sending an email reminder to our group, driving to the center, holding our class, recording it, heading back home and picking up groceries on the way, transferring all the video and audio data to the computer, editing the two videos, rendering them, uploading them, publishing them, and embedding the videos on the blog and sending out an email with the link to the latest recording). All of this in one day!

On any other day, this would be a massive accomplishment leaving us drained. But on Wednesdays when we are holding our class for our community members, they give us enormous amounts of love, appreciation, encouragement, and energy. That’s how we can make it happen.

Saying No In Order To Say Yes

Of course, this has meant that we also have to say “no” to a lot of other invitations and activities - not because we don’t want to do them, or don’t want to hang out with the people in our lives. It’s just that we are still learning to get our most important goals accomplished in the time we have got. And to make time for what’s truly important to us has not been easy in light of all the external invitations and excitements all around us that we want to partake in. Brunch invitation from neighbors, lunch invitation from friends, a new art exhibit in town, this excursion, that gathering, that event, this conference.

But we have found that with a full-time workload, and working 4 days a week to come up with funds to pay all our bills, AND investing time in things that are truly important to us, we just cannot succumb to all of these invitations. That is why we have become more of a hermit/reclusive from the perspective of others, when it comes to social engagements. That doesn’t mean we don’t like to be invited to things. That always feels great to receive an invite. But we have just had to say no to a lot of things if we are to make time for our core goals and dreams happen - which already is not an easy task.

When you carve out a time slot in your calendar for the things that you want to pursue, the thing that falls under “most important”, you too will have to learn to say no to other very exciting things. And it may even disappoint others. But in order to make sure that what’s most important to you finds ample room in your calendar, you will have to say no to the other “distractions”. And saying no with love and compassion is an art and be sure to be kind in your refusals of invitations. People will understand when you outline what’s important to you and your own struggle with time to get that accomplished. You may even inspire others.

Find it! Find it!

Do take a few moments to do the introspective exercise I outlined in my previous blog post and then find the time in your calendar to devote to it. The exercise involves going over a handful of questions and seeing what answers emerge for you. Some answers may not be news to you. You may already know them. But the process will surely give you more clarity on what’s truly important to you. Then take out your calendar and find a time-slot where you can dedicate complete attention to this one thing that truly matters to you and take steps towards manifesting it in your life.

Peace,
Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see the books that inspire me, see the books I love here.

*There are affiliate links on this site. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Share with us how you are finding time for that which is truly important for you. Let us know in the comments how you’ve placed it in your calendar
and what you’ve had to say no to, in order to achieve this. If you are yet to make this part of your plan, tell us how you plan to do it!

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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The process of finding out what’s truly important to you

Banner Photo Source: Quino Al

The process of finding out what’s truly important to you

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:

Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important (You are reading it)
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process
Jan 21st What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

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If I were to ask you, “What’s truly important to you?” what would you reply? And are you taking steps towards that which is truly essential for you?

This question has once again become important to me because recently I found myself feeling uncomfortable sensations in my stomach - a gut feeling that something’s not right and that something needs to change. (I wrote about this in last week's article here). Not knowing what that “something” is, I have begun an introspective process for myself so that I can follow this inner-calling, figure out what the cryptic messages mean and then go about taking actions towards it. But before I can take action, I need to unearth from deep within me, what that message is and what that new path is meant to be.

Not knowing what’s important in one’s life is a plague that many of us are afflicted with.

Since this uncanny feeling emerged at the start of this year (2020), I have read the book, Goodbye Things by the Japanese minimalist author, Fumio Sasaki who says that reducing our necessary items to a minimum is one way of unearthing what truly matters to us. It's not the only way and minimalism is not a goal but a process of getting down to what's essential. There's no judging involved about how many things you have because as long as you know what's important to you and you are living the life you want to live, then things around really don't matter. But for most of us, our things and our activities cover up what we really want to do with our time here on Earth. And so letting go of things is part of this process.

Today, I am sharing something that's part of my personal story and it feels deeply vulnerable to put it down on in a blog. But sharing this with you is part of my healing and I want to share it in hopes that it may add another spark to your journey of healing and inner-peace.

For me, this process of getting clear about what's truly important began several years ago when I would repeatedly go down a spiral of sad, depressing thoughts. I was living in Germany at the time (2005-2007) and doing my graduate studies at Jacobs University in Bremen - a very rainy city. But a bit of what was happening before I got to Bremen.

The Volume That Buries What’s Truly Important

There have been times in my life that I’ve felt overwhelmed with volume. The volume of things, the volume of activities, the volume of emotions with no time or a way to process them. Then, there’s also the volume of information, the volume of social expectations, the volume of people, and the volume of noise.

This volume clouds and covers up all that’s truly important, valuable and meaningful in one’s life. Have you ever felt this? And because of all this crowding and clouding that’s going on, I’ve felt confused, unfocused and unclear about my next steps, even sad, depressed and hopeless. This was the time when I was living in New York and working at the United Nations (2001-2005). Every day, my job was to talk about all the things that the UN was involved in and each morning we had an hour-long briefing about the latest world news, filled with details of civil war, violence, and poverty which we then had to convey to the visiting public by memory. This went on for four and a half years. And towards the end of this period, I had forgotten who I was, what I’d wanted to do with my life and had spent zero hours on anything creative. Having done my undergraduate studies at New York University in Film and Television production and being a creative person part of my identity, I had honed that creative bone for three and a half years. Now, I had not done a single piece of creative writing. I was feeling empty and didn’t really understand the pent up emotions that I was burying inside.

All of that exploded or rather imploded when I moved to Germany to pursue graduate studies and to be closer to the love of my life whom I had just met and who lived in Germany. I found it incredibly difficult to get out of bed to even get to my classes and then, in between class days I filled up my time watching movies that I rented from a nearby automated rental shop just to drown out the confusion and spiraling sad thoughts. (Yes, this was pre-streaming days when DVDs were still in demand)! There were times when I would find myself weeping at the plight of wild animals who were being hunted to extinction and stray dogs and cats in developing countries that were being neglected to a life of utter misery. The news would throw me into a downward spiral.

This was increasingly getting unbearable.

I did have thoughts of being freed from this life of suffering and misery but thankfully in retrospect, I was too depressed with a lack of energy to do anything about it.

The Miracle Of One Book

Life is miraculous and you never know when the next turn of good fortune comes your way. What happened next might look like a trivial matter but it had a life-changing consequence for me. I went to visit my boyfriend (now husband) who lived four hours away from the town where I was studying. He had a collection of books in his bookshelf.

While he went to work, I decided to browse his bookshelf and find something to pass the time with. And there it was - my turning point. Among the many books he had there, there was one that caught my eye. It was a book by Steven Covey called, “First Things First”, that he had received as a gift from his Dad.

Once I picked up this book, I couldn’t put it down. I read it at home. I read it at the cafe. I read it on the tram. And it’s a pretty thick book, probably, the first book I had read that was for leisure and not for some kind of a class assignment. Graduate school doesn’t really allow time for leisure reading, in my experience!

You can get the book here.

Anyways, this book by Covey had a certain grip on me. I can’t remember any more details except two ideas which I am paraphrasing:

1. He wrote in the book that we need to focus on what we can influence. I think he called it our zone of influence.

and

2. Take a few moments after something is said or done and respond consciously and with good intent, instead of reacting.

The first idea literally freed me from my suffering for world events that I could not directly influence or change. It reminded me that instead of having my mind worry about faraway matters that I can have a minuscule difference on (or none), rather focus on my immediate life, surroundings, people and on most importantly on myself that I can most directly and massively influence. This was life-changing and I could feel a kind of a burden lifting from my heart.

The second idea was all too new and unfamiliar to me but it did capture my attention. I had thought of reacting and responding as just two ways of expressing the same thing. To be alerted that there was a difference alone was eye-opening. However, it was only years later that I truly understood the distinction between the two and even now am still learning and figuring out how to truly respond with compassion, patience, and equanimity.

Over the next ten years, I found my way to visualization and meditation exercises that have gradually liberated me from the burden of my own thoughts.

What’s Truly Important To You?

To find out what’s truly important, we do need to dig a bit deeper. Quieting the chaos, calming the helter-skelter life and slowing down the running around from here to there, is an important component of the process. When you look outside a moving car, you see the outside world but in flashes. As you slow down the car more and more and eventually to a standstill, you begin to really see the details of the scene outside. This is what we need to for our inner-world as well. In order to really see what’s going on in there, we need to slow down more and more and come to a complete stop. Then the insights, the wisdom, the clarity arises within us. That’s how we can get in touch with what’s truly important to us, what’s truly of essence in our own lives.

Sometimes, the stepping stone to slowing down and meditating is clearing up our outer world. Reducing our belongings and activities to only those that we consciously choose to have in our live - like the Japanese minimalist authors such as Fumio Sasaki and Marie Kondo propound, can be one way to help us slow down, and to reduce the volume that is filling up our lives.

Another way, is to do an introspective exercise of closing your eyes and allowing some questions to flow over you. You may hear, see or feel the answers bubble up to the surface in response to these questions. Some of these questions are:

What do I truly want in my life?
What do I want to create in my life?
What do I want to do with my time on this planet?
What’s of real essence?
What matters?
What is truly important to me?
What path can I take to find and create the above?
What one thing do I want to create, have or experience that will make all the difference?
If I could have it all my way, what would I truly want in my life?
If time and money were of no concern, what would I do?
If I only had six months to live, what would I do with my time?

You can journal your answers and see what emerges.

This is what came up for me:

What is truly important to me right now?

Time invested in meditation
Time invested being with hubby 
Time invested being with cats
Time invested being in nature, in silence

What do I want to create in my life?

Simple minimalist life with very minimum things
Happy life with no burdens
Lots of openness, spaciousness in my living environment
Creative expressions - in the form of writing and creating videos
Reading and learning about how to create a life of peace and joy
Creating more than enough income to support our life and needs (Cristof, myself, our cats, our parents)

What do I want to do with my time on this planet?

Create videos, books, articles that help people live a life of happiness

What path can you take to find that true peace, true fulfillment?

Write, create and publish
Grow a following of people who want to cultivate inner-peace and help them
Sell courses and books to make a leveraged income
First, simplify and declutter my things and my time

None of these answers was a real surprise, but to have this kind of clarity is very helpful as I move forward to create what’s truly important to me and experience it in my life.

Peace,
Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see more book recommendations, see my list of favorite books here.

*There are affiliate links on this site such as the one linking Steven Covey’s book. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
What do you think you will find when you remove the
excessive things and activities that fill up your life?

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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What decluttering your home shows you about the process of meditation

Banner Photo Source Roma Ryabchenko

What decluttering your home shows you about the process of meditation

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:

Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process (You are reading it)
Jan 21st What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

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”There’s happiness in having less”. That’s the first sentence in the book, Goodbye, Things written by the Japanese author, Fumio Sasaki. This morning, I took up reading this book for the second time as I am freshly in a new wave of decluttering my home. As I read the first few pages, it dawned on me that the process of decluttering - at least decluttering in the minimalist way - is similar to the process of meditation.

Sasaki defines minimalism as having two parts: “1. reducing our necessary items to a minimum, and 2. doing away with excess so we can focus on the things that are truly important to us.” He points out that we think having more and more things will make us happy. Whereas saying goodbye to things is an exercise in thinking about true happiness.

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He radically transformed his cluttered apartment filled with collector’s items, books, knick-knacks, and clothes into a streamlined, tidy, spacious home filled with only the necessary items that he needs. This process of clearing out his home allowed him to get rid of false pride over rare cameras or showing off books that he never had time to read and many other personal changes he outlines like reducing his alcohol consumption, stopping to waste time watching TV, losing excess weight and treating women better. He says in the book that he feels happier now and he attributes it to his minimalist life.

You can get the book here.

The way Sasaki defines minimalism is how the process of meditation can also be similarly defined: 1. reducing our mental chatter to a minimum. 2. doing away with the excess distractions in our mind so that we can focus fully on the present moment. It is the cluttered mind full of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are unprocessed and in excess that removes us from our true happiness. It’s all the activities that we fill our lives up with. It’s all the experiences we feel we need to get a taste of. It’s all the places, events, attractions we feel we need to record. It’s all the things that we feel we need to see, touch or own. And there are countless other ways of filling up our minds and our lives.

When we can slow down, and start removing the excess that fills up our time, we can then sit down to meditate. When we sit down to meditate, we become instantly aware of the barrage of thoughts and emotions that seem to flood our awareness. Many beginner meditators seem to drop meditation after their first few experiences because they think they need to have a completely quiet mind in meditation. And since they notice the raucous cacophony of mental activity, they think meditation is not working. But it is working exactly as it is supposed to. In our daily lives, we are experiencing these thoughts and emotions but we don’t fully process them. We don’t have the capacity to do when we are moving so fast - just like when you are inside a moving car you can only see flashes of the scenery outside. It’s only when you stop the car, and start walking slowly and eventually when you stop and stand still, can you see the details of the scene before you. Similarly, when you sit down to meditate, you begin to see all that is filling up your mind.

And that experience is just like decluttering your home. You’ve decided to find the most necessary items like Sasaki or the things that spark joy like the author Marie Kondo and you’ve piled all the things into the middle of the living room.

Just like that, when you sit down to meditate, all your thoughts and feelings start rushing in to fill up your mental living room. When you are in reducing your belongings, you can’t just chuck out everything. In fact, Marie Kondo asks you to pick up every item and ask yourself, “Does this spark joy?” If it doesn’t, out it goes.

You can get her book here.

Similarly, in meditation, when you close your eyes and thoughts begin to arise, you need to look at that thought, observe it - as if holding an object in your hands. But unlike asking yourself whether it sparks joy, all you do is notice it. You are a silent observer. Notice the nature of the thought. And allow it to fade away like clouds in the sky. Some thoughts may be more intense, even more like strong emotions. In such a case, you work with these emotions. These emotions may be those of irritation, anger, sadness, frustration and so on. The Vietnamese Zen monk, Thich Nhat Than says that we need to care for our emotions, welcome them and care for them. How do you care for them? You take the role of a caring mother who holds a crying child to soothe it. Just by holding it and saying kind, gentle words to the distressed child, it starts to relax and calm down. You can do the same to your emotions that arise in meditation. Welcome those thoughts, emotions and give them love, give yourself love and compassion because you are experiencing them. In this way, your mind starts to calm down.

As you become more and more adept at the meditation process, your mind becomes calmer and calmer. Thoughts get processed just by your bare attention and awareness of them, allowing them to exist without judging or resisting them.

As the mind becomes quieter, space arises for peace and wisdom. Seeds of peace, compassion and wisdom that are already within you, start to blossom. You’ve removed the weeds of mental chatter and created the fertile ground for serenity and inner-peace to thrive. You are able to be present with what is, be present in the moment without resisting, just allowing and dissolving and processing everything your experience into peace.

This is the path of peace and happiness.

This is peace and happiness that we can experience here and now, not just sometime in the future or in the next life. So as I create a minimalist life for myself in my surroundings and in my mind, I begin to experience more and more peace, joy and happiness. Coming less from things and the outside world and more from within.

Peace,

Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see more book recommendations, see my list of favorite books here.

*There are affiliate links on this site such as the one above linking the Goodbye Things book by Fumio Sasaki. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Have you experienced the peace that comes from decluttering the mind or your home? What do these process have in common in your experience?

I’d love to know so please in the comments below.

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What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or elsewhere in your body? What does it mean?

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:

Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process
Jan 21st What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean? (You are reading it)

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Lately, I have been getting this feeling.

It’s a feeling that you feel in the pit of your stomach. It’s an uncanny yet familiar feeling that you have felt before. It tells you a lot of things about your inner-world. The main message it’s giving you is that “something is not right”. It’s a signal that is so strong and so clear that it is impossible to ignore. You may not know what to do with it but there it is strong and present right there - in your body.

I thought I’d write here about it so that if you are feeling this too, you will somehow be brought to this article. Intuition works in magical ways. So does Google and search engine optimization! ;-)

So, I am trying to figure out what to do with this feeling. But before that, let me tell you a bit more about the message I am getting.

Message That I am Getting

This feeling, this pit in my stomach, is telling me at least two things:

1. something is wrong

2. and that it needs to change.

What exactly is wrong that this feeling is alerting me to? It’s how I am spending my time day to day and it’s about what I want to experience in my life.

You see, every year in December, I do an introspection process to close out the last year and to set intentions for the new year. For 2020, I envisioned that I am feeling:

1. Peaceful - in mind and body and surroundings
2. Light - of few belongings, detached to those belongings, and free of ill will, anger, resentment, etc.
3. Happy - in my relationship with hubby, our cats, family and friends
4. Spacious - of few commitments, more time to study the wisdom teachings and to meditate
5. Useful - sharing the teachings of peace, supporting monastics and being helpful in household life
6. Calm and balanced - easy means of livelihood that’s sufficient, peaceful, leveraged, satisfying, and fulfilling
7. Grateful - feeling gratitude for every $ of income I earn

I wrote this out on Dec 28th, 2019. And now it’s Jan 21st, 2020. I am feeling an intense awareness in my body that some things need to change and I have this knowing that the message coming from my body is related to these 7 items I listed back in 2019 that I want to feel and experience in my life.

What To Do About This Feeling?

Now, I am not exactly sure what needs to change in my life or how I will go about doing this. But I know that my body and mind are in alignment and each day I only need to take one small step with awareness and intention.

I don’t have all the answers about this process and I don’t have to because all I need to do is the next best thing. And the next best thing. And if I am open enough to hear inner guidance, I will know what exactly I need to do.

So this is something you, too, can benefit from. Are you feeling a strange feeling in your body telling you something? You may not intellectually know what it is or how to resolve it but you are very clear that this feeling is there.

Here are three things you can do about it:

1. Let it be.
The first thing you need to do is to not resist it. What do I mean by that? First thing to do is to know that this is normal and natural and that you don’t have to get rid of it. It’s here with some important, powerful messages and it may feel uncomfortable but it’s exactly what you need to go through in order to come out on the other side with the gifts and blessings that this message brings you.

2. Next, do some journaling.
Write down in your notebook how this feeling feels. Describe where in your body you are feeling it or whether it is non-physical, more like a knowing. Write this all down. Then, ask your inner-self questions around it.

1. What does this feeling mean?
2. Why am I feeling it?
3. What message do I need to hear?
4. What one thing I can do next to understand it better?
5. Is there an action step you want me to take?

Now for some of you, this may be a powerful experience where all the answers come pouring down. But for those of you for whom the answers are not coming, just be patient. Just give it a try and then come back to it another day.

3. Sit Still.
If the writing doesn’t work, then just sit still with your eyes closed and ask these questions quietly to your self. Then, be present to the first image that comes to your mind. Just the first image. Pay attention to it and make a mental note of it. For some, instead of an image, you may get this “knowing” or an inner-sense of either what the message means or what the next thing you need to do.

You Are Being Guided

Be open. Be alert. Be receptive. Your inner-self is trying to make contact with you. You need to quiet your mind, shut out distractions and put in the effort to listen in and to find out. You are your best guide. All answers are within you. Just get quiet and listen in.

That’s what I am doing. Listening to the message on what I needed to do next. Writing this article was the next action I was guided to take. I dropped everything and sat down to write and the words starting flowing.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Have you felt this feeling in your body that is trying to tell you something? What kind of steps do you take when this happens? How did you act on it and how did this change things for you?

Let me know in the comments below.

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Stopping the freight train of the mind

It is not always easy to meditate in daily life. There are responsibilities and commitments that are so time-consuming. 

But when there is a group of like-minded people who all want to train their minds in a conducive environment together, that's a golden opportunity. So finding a group locally in your area to meditate with is very helpful for your practice. Meditating together helps us water the good seeds within us - that's because your presence in the circle helps each one of us feel a sense of community and belonging, something we all yearn for. 

If you cannot make it to a group meditation due to other commitments and reasons, or there isn't a group nearby, do take time to refine your practice, nevertheless. Use a guided meditation from YouTube or sit quietly in your room and gently bring awareness to your breath for 10 minutes. 

These 10 minutes will go a long way, especially when done every day. And it is not about having the perfect 10 minutes - that's too heavy of an expectation for our practice. The only thing to do is - Show Up to our meditation practice. Even if those 10 minutes are full of a wandering mind, so be it. At least you showed up and made a meaningful effort to calm the mind. 

This reminds me of a story I heard one of the monks relay. There was a man who got a job and he showed up on Monday for work. At the end of the day, he returned home to his wife and complained that he didn't get paid and was thinking of not going to work the next day. On Tuesday, he did go to work but came home empty-handed. The next day, he did a whole day's of work yet no paycheck. He told his wife that he still didn't get renumerated for his hard work and was thinking of quitting. On Friday, he managed to bring himself to work and put in an honest effort. 

As he was leaving, he was stopped by his boss. She gave him his paycheck! Delighted, the man went home happy to his wife.

Sometimes, we too, think of our meditation like this man. On day one we want a calm, peaceful mind and go into deep meditative states. Each day we think - ah, it's not bringing me any results, why meditate? But it is only after repetitive training of the mind that it learns to quiet down. How quickly it calms down has at least something to do with how long and how fast it has been running around all those years. Just like bringing a bicycle to a complete stop is far easier than bringing a freight train to a stop, bringing a mind habituated to wandering takes longer to slow down than a mind that has been practicing for a while.

Eventually, one day you will experience peace and serenity and delight of the mind that surpasses all other worldly pleasures and comforts. So let's help ourselves now by training our minds slowly and gradually.

Much love,

Sophia

I realized the power of meditation when I experienced intense pain

Last week, I had to undergo an unexpected surgery. An intense pain developed over the weekend which sent me straight to the Urgent Care who sent me to see a surgeon. The reason I am telling you this is because it happened just before my March 27th presentation which is all about navigating pain through meditation.

Now, I felt that I was fit to talk about this subject because I used to have extremely debilitating menstrual cramps for years before I began using meditative techniques to reduce the pain and stress. But life had a different plan. 

Before the surgery was conducted, I went through excruciating pain over the weekend with nothing but my meditation practice and a loving husband to get me through it. Having never gone through anything like that before in my life, this was a brand new territory for me and a very potent learning ground. I hope to tell you more about the fruits of that experience in a future blog (or if you are in the Boone, NC area then on March 27th), but all I want to leave you with is this:

Meditation is not a luxury. It is a vital tool for navigating the real mess this life we live. Everything may be going well for you now so you may not feel the urgency of developing a meditation practice - I get it. We, humans, tend to do things only when we are fully convinced of its value. And if everything is going well for you right now, then that's really good. Take the opportunity of good conditions and practice meditation as much as you can.

It was when I could continuously place my attention on my breath, that I could feel relief from the intense physical pain. It was in those moments that I realized how far I still need to go in my practice. But I also became aware of how far I had come. Had I not been practicing meditation so far, the pain would have been completely overwhelming for me. 

Meditation is a balm that you can apply now so you can handle any injuries in the future with ease and find relief from suffering.

Love,
Sophia

Mindfulness for solving biz problems

Hello there,

This morning I conducted a live FB chat with my friend Julienne DesJardins for her FB Group Solorpreneur Strategy. We talked about how to use mindfulness to solve business problems and as a result grow your business and impact.

I'm sending out a worksheet with a mindful process and examples of how you can use it in real-life scenarios. If you'd like that, please fill out the form below. You will also be automatically added to my newsletter list from which you can unsubscribe at anytime. So here it is:

Please fill out the form with your contact and some of your current issues that cause emotional distress and mental anxiety or in general make you uncomfortable.

Download of Mindfulness Worksheet for Business Growth

Mindfulness for Business Growth

Thank you. If you have specific questions, please add them to the form above as well. I will be emailing you the worksheet in a few hours. 

Peace,
Sophia

Create Your Happy New Year!

The New Year brings the energy of a fresh start. Like turning to a crisp blank page in your notebook or walking on untouched sand or making the first brush stroke on a blank canvas, we have a brand new year to do, create and be that which we want. Resolutions and plans are a great way to anchor those new goals. And I certainly have done my share of those in the past. But it has not always worked for me because the focus of those goals was too much on an end result and nothing else. 

Instead, this is what works for me: 
Starting with the question, "How do I want to feel in 2019?", I journal whatever answers come up. Then, from there I identify what action steps will help create those feelings for me. And then schedule it as a task in my calendar which puts focus on what actions I will take rather than the end result I am aiming for. When you take those actions on a consistent basis, you start to get inspired, you build your confidence and enjoy the process. And often, you enjoy the process so much that the end result becomes irrelevant. This lightness about it all then makes it all the more possible that your goal, the end result you are wanting to create, actually comes to fruition in your life.

Putting it into action:
For example, one of the things that came up when I asked, "How do I want to feel in 2019?" in my recent introspective break was this: "I feel that my home is utterly neat, clean, bright, minimal and streamlined". Then I ask myself what action steps will I need to take because a neat, clean, bright, minimal and streamlined home will not just appear to me sometime magically in the year! I wish ;-) Well, the answer was: On Saturday mornings, take an hour or so to clean out the pantry and for caring for the home. Now this action step goes straight into my calendar as a weekly action step. And each time, I complete that task, I will get the feeling I was going after in the first place. This then goes on to have a cumulative effect week by week which will result in a continuous feeling that I want for my home.

This was an example from my personal life but I apply it also to my business, my health, my creative aspirations and any other aspects of my life that are important to me.

Here are the steps again:
1. Ask, "How do I want to feel in 2019?" Write down your response.
2. Ask, "What action steps will I need to take to help create those feelings for me?” Write down answers and pick one or two tasks.
3. Schedule it in your calendar as a daily, weekly or a monthly task (or even an annual task - ex. big family reunion). 
4. Repeat it for all aspects of your life that are important to you.

The most important step: Step 5
What I love about us humans is that we are constantly wanting to change things, make them better. But what I also have noticed about myself and others is that in this quest to make things better, we become so caught up that we forget one thing. And that is to be kind to ourselves. Making resolutions and plans and action steps is all great but if you will beat up yourself at every missed step, then you are not being kind. I'd rather play the piano really badly while being kind to myself than be a piano virtuoso who is impatient and unkind to herself, you know what I mean? So please remember that if you skip the gym or miss your daily commitment to journal (or whatever action plans you've chosen for yourself), just brush it off, consider it a learning lesson and start fresh again. Each day is the first day of your life - we don't have to wait for the next new year's day to start again! ;-)

Be kind to yourself and create a happy new 2019!!

Love,
Sophia

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Want to meditate with me in Boone? We have new dates for a monthly event.
I am super excited to announce that the Life Long Learners' group in Boone, NC has arranged with the Lois E. Harrill Senior Center to host a monthly Meditation + Presentation event! Here are the dates we have confirmed and I'd love to meet you there. The events are free of charge and during each event, you will participate in a guided meditation, hear a short presentation on the topic of the day and have time for sharing your personal experiences. 

Time: 2 pm - 3 pm, 4th Wednesdays
Venue: Lois Harrill Senior Center, 132 Poplar Grove Connector # A, Boone, NC 28607
Cost: free to the public

Dates:

Jan 23rd, Wednesday:  Starting Fresh - Why you need a daily meditation practice and 5 steps on how to set it up in your life.

Feb 27th, Wednesday: Practice of purification of past negative karma. 

Mar 27th, Wednesday: Understanding the Buddhist concept of impermanence, Karma, and breath meditation to deal with physical pain.

Apr 24th, Wednesday: Living wisely today to experience a peaceful death - whenever it happens.

May 22nd, Wednesday: Putting Meditation into Perspective - Understanding Buddha's Noble Eightfold Path to Enlightenment.

PS: If you want to check if the Center is open or not during inclement weather, please call the Center at (828) 265-8090.

See you there!

10 Steps To Building A New Meditation Habit

10 Steps To Building A New Meditation Habit

Photo by Jay Castor

We all know the benefit of meditation, especially a daily meditation practice. It has good effects for our health, our mind, our relationships and practically every aspect of our lives. So if we know it is good for us, why can't we do meditation every single day, without struggling to fit it into our daily hectic lives?

There are many answers to this question. We may intellectually know that meditation is good but don't have enough personal experience with it to seal the deal, so to speak. Or we may not have easy access to a meditation practice. Or we may not know how to go about picking a meditation that fits our life. Or we may not know how to build a daily habit. We may think that because of physical illness we cannot do meditation. Or that we need to sit cross-legged in order to do it in the first place. And there are plenty more reasons...

So how does one go about navigating this new world of meditation? Here are some tips that can help you tap into the juicy benefits of a daily meditation practice that await you.

1. Try different kinds of meditation

If you are just starting out, I highly recommend that you take a taste of the various kinds of meditations there are out there. You can try breath awareness, yoga nidra, mindful walking meditation, body scan technique, creative visualizations (I've got tons of free videos on my YouTube Channel for you here), shamanic meditation, anapana meditation, loving kindness meditation, gratitude meditation, vipassana meditation and so on. Try meditations with music or without music. Just see what you feel drawn to and start there. You don't have to try all. Just find one that you like to begin with and then you will find that the right practice will emerge for you in time.

Here's one

2. Start small

An important tip that can help you on your meditation journey is to start small, especially if just the idea of sitting for a long period of time causes you unease. Even just one minute is good enough. You can always progress into longer sessions. But what is more important in building a practice is consistency. So I'd suggest that I'd rather have you meditating 1 min every day of the week rather than an entire hour once a month. You will find it much better to ease into a longer practice by being aware of your current needs. Here's an example of a short meditation in a moment:

3. You don't have to sit cross-legged

This one is such a big myth. You don't have to be an acrobat or any where close to accomplished in twisting your body in any way. You do not have to sit cross-legged during meditation. Yes, sitting with a straight back vs hunching over is a good idea. But what's most important is to sit comfortably. Find a position that your body feels good in and start there. It That means, you are allowed to sit on a chair or a couch or a bed or anywhere that feels good. You can lean against the wall, use cushions and any support you need to keep your body relaxed. And now point 4 is the big one:

4. You can change your position

There's such a misconception out there that during meditation you've got to sit in one position without moving and force yourself to stay still. This is not a gentle approach and in my experience not beneficial in building a practice. See, if you need to move, move. You need to stretch your legs, do it. You need to change your position do it. Over time, it will become easier to sit in one position for long stretches of time. But don't force yourself into it, especially not as you are starting out. So be gentle and move when you need to.

5. You don't have to get rid of your thoughts

This one was my biggest hurdle for the longest time. I heard Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle talk about the gap or the space between thoughts and it just frustrated me because all I experienced was a series of thoughts. No space between the thoughts! It felt like a far away dream to have no thoughts during meditation. Thankfully, I found out that meditation is not about getting rid of thoughts, rather it is about observing them. You observe the arising and disappearing of thoughts. Over time, the frequency of thoughts naturally declines and you get less and less thoughts. But that happens organically, naturally. You don't have to get rid of your thoughts - that is once again forcing things to be what they are not. So, don't get rid of thoughts, just observe them!

6. Do live in-person meditation sessions at a yoga studio

A really good way of starting a meditation practice is to go to an in-person studio where meditation sessions are held. A possible starting point is your local yoga studio or your local YMCA. For those of you living near Boone, North Carolina, you can try out Neighborhood Yoga Studio. They have many possibilities for meditation sessions. You can also come to my in-person workshop at the Appalachian Regional Library in Boone where I am doing free workshops (sponsored by the Library). 

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Try my Daily Live Sessions:

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7. Go on a 9 or 10 day retreat

I dabbled in meditation for five years before I went to my first 10 day meditation retreat. Of course, as much as I'd like to have done it earlier, I had to arrive at the right time for it to happen. This retreat was pivotal in my meditation journey because it was total immersion in one type of meditation; in this case, it was vipassana. A full-immersion meditation retreat that is all about learning and practicing meditation. And that's a great way to get started as a beginner because you learn the foundations of the practice from step zero and then go on to build it. You also find out quickly if this type of meditation jives with you or if you should rather move on in your search for a meditation practice.

Two recommendations:
1. Dhamma.org for 10 day meditation retreat to learn vipassana meditation inspired by S.N.Goenka, Burmese Indian follower of Burmese teacher U Ba Khin and his teacher, Burmese Monk Webu Sayadaw. They have retreats all around the world.
I've done three of these retreats in the past two years (two 10 day retreats as participant and one 5-day retreat as a server).

2. Buddhist Society of Western Australia: 9 Day meditation retreat in the tradition of Thai Forest Monks led by Ajahn Brahm and Ajahn Brahmali.
This one I'd like to do in this year.

8. Use triggers and tracking to build your new habit

Once you've honed in on the one meditation practice that you want to focus on, use the best information out there about building a new habit. Leo Babauta with his Sea Change Program and Shawn Achor in his book, The Happiness Advantage teach how to build new habits. What has worked for me is a two-pronged approach to building my habit: 1: use triggers and 2: use tracking calendar. Create a system in which you use triggers to build your habit and then track it every day. A trigger example: After waking up in the morning, brush teeth. For me, I apply this to meditation. After breakfast in the morning, meditate one hour. Use the tricks and processes that productivity and personal development masters have identified to build your new habit. Blog: How to use systems to build your meditation practice.

9. Try guided creative visualizations.

I've found, both for myself and for the individuals in my live workshops, that creative visualizations are a great place to start. A lot of us begin our meditation journey by going straight into a silent meditation practice. If it works for you, great. But for many of us that seems really daunting. We are overpowered by our thoughts and feel frustrated by the process. You can always give silent meditation a try but don't allow the challenges you face there to deter you from doing your meditation practice. Just give guided creative visualization a chance. These are great because they serve as a stepping stone to silent meditation
They are much easier because you are using the voice of the meditation guide to literally guide your mind to focus on a a limited set of thoughts. If you don't connect with creative visualizations, that's fine too. Just go with other guided meditations such as the ones by Abraham Hicks or Jon Kabat-Zinn. See Blog: Why guided meditations are a useful stepping stone to silent meditation practice.

Here's one example of a creative visualization:

10. Be in nature

Take time off to be in nature as often as you can. Stroll around in a park or in other natural settings and just watch the sky, the trees, the waves, streams or the landscape. What does this have to do with building a meditation practice? Well, nature has an amazing effect for calming the mind. The effect of being in nature continues to help you when you sit down to meditate.

11. Be kind to yourself

Finally and, I'd even say most importantly, it's crucial that you stay kind to yourself. Meditation is habit and a new enhancement of your lifestyle. There will be challenges but you've got to help yourself trust the process. Don't use meditation to hurt yourself. As you move through the habit building phase, let go of expectations and be kind to the process of calming the mind. Be especially, kind and patient when you miss a day of practice. I used to be filled with guilt when that happened and now I am much more kind to myself in that regard.

So, my friend, I hope these 10 tips are helpful to you as you build your meditation practice. Feel free to jot down your questions in the comments. Let me know what challenges have you face when building a new meditation practice.

Inner-Peace Chats: Get My Help To Carve Your Meditation Habit Plan

Building a daily meditation habit has been a life-changing phenomenon in my life as I see its healthy effects in all aspects of my life, including a big drop in mental and emotional stress, almost zero worrying and a deeper sense of ease about life and its many challenges.

I want to create resources on reflectionpond.com to help you live a more harmonious, peaceful life. And so I'd like to help you create your customized Meditation Habit Plan. This is part of my Inner-Peace Chat series where I speak with you via a video call (such as on skype or zoom) and find out a bit more about your lifestyle so we can customize your meditation habit plan. 

This is something very useful if you are starting out brand new or have been dabbling in meditation for a while but now want to get into a daily habit. I will identify how you can build a system to make meditating a no-brainer activity. And I will also share from my meditation journey of 8 years so that you can understand why it's been challenging to build this habit. At the end of our one hour session, you will know exactly what to do in order to incorporate your unique meditation practice into your life.

Based on what you need in the moment, in this Inner-Peace Chat, I will guide you through a process and a meditation to help you understand what is blocking you from building a daily habit and how you change it to truly benefit from a continued practice.

I invite you to take this opportunity, which at the moment, is the only way to get one-to-one time with me. 

So are you in? Go here to see a bit more detail and reserve your spot.

Why a 15 min daily meditation session is good enough?

Photo by Bryan Minear

Hello there my friend,

You know that meditation is good for you. But you've got a busy, very busy life. Just finding time to have lunch seems sometimes difficult for you because of all the things that need to get done. Then you here that meditation helps you and that an hour a day is the recommended time for really good results. And you think, "One hour? Are you out of your mind? Just the thought of doing meditation for an hour is making me anxious. I don't think meditation is for me!".

Please don't throw the whole meditation thing out just because you cannot do the "recommended" hour. I used to think that way and it really slowed down the process for me. I would think that because I can't do the full hour, why bother?

But, you know, it doesn't have to be a full hour. Just a few moments of mindfulness is good enough. Even just a minute several times a day can help you train your mind to become stronger, calmer and more able to deal with your life.

That's what I realized when I read the author Jon Kabat-Zinn's book, "Wherever you go, there you are." I did my first little book review back in 2010 on YouTube where I share how it was so liberating to know that I can just be fully present for a moment and that is already good enough.

So start there: Take it moment-by-moment.

Now, let's say you have been doing this "momentary" mindfulness exercises where you are fully in the present with whatever you are doing and now you want to take it to the next level, so to speak.

Then, I suggest that you think of investing 10-15 minutes towards calming your mind daily. Yes, d.a.i.l.y. A daily practice helps you ingrain the process of meditation in your mind. You will be building the mediation muscle by repeating this every single day. Just like any physical training, or learning anything new takes repetition, so does meditation.

Someone in my Live in-person workshop said that they have it harder to be calmer when the meditate by themselves. And that triggered a series of inspired thoughts for me. I thought, "How about offering a live meditation session every single day at the same time to help people like this one participant who wants to meditate every day but finds it hard to do without some support?" 

And the answer was as resounding yes. Starting on Monday, March 19th 2018, I've begun a daily LIVE meditation session called Daily Meditation with Sophia on YouTube.

Here's a link to the YouTube Channel where you can see the upcoming scheduled events. Or start of with these below:

These live sessions take place every single day at 12 noon ET. I start off with 2-3 minutes of introductory banter and then jump right into the meditation so that you can have at least 10-12 minutes before it's time to wrap up at 12:15 pm. I do stay on to chat more, share a few tips and answer any questions from the chat - until around 12:20-12:30pm. Then it's off to lunch!

I've designed these sessions to last from 12 noon til 12:15pm so that anyone on a tight lunch break schedule can take a sip of calm and then go eat something and head back to work. It's meditation for a busy lifestyle which seems everyone seems to have these days. It gives you enough of a break to build a daily practice without being overwhelming which a long 30 minute or an hour long session can feel. 

So do come and join me or catch a recording each day:

Also if you'd like to learn how to become a Patron of Reflection Pond and of these daily meditations, take a look here.