10 Steps To Building A New Meditation Habit

10 Steps To Building A New Meditation Habit

Photo by Jay Castor

We all know the benefit of meditation, especially a daily meditation practice. It has good effects for our health, our mind, our relationships and practically every aspect of our lives. So if we know it is good for us, why can't we do meditation every single day, without struggling to fit it into our daily hectic lives?

There are many answers to this question. We may intellectually know that meditation is good but don't have enough personal experience with it to seal the deal, so to speak. Or we may not have easy access to a meditation practice. Or we may not know how to go about picking a meditation that fits our life. Or we may not know how to build a daily habit. We may think that because of physical illness we cannot do meditation. Or that we need to sit cross-legged in order to do it in the first place. And there are plenty more reasons...

So how does one go about navigating this new world of meditation? Here are some tips that can help you tap into the juicy benefits of a daily meditation practice that await you.

1. Try different kinds of meditation

If you are just starting out, I highly recommend that you take a taste of the various kinds of meditations there are out there. You can try breath awareness, yoga nidra, mindful walking meditation, body scan technique, creative visualizations (I've got tons of free videos on my YouTube Channel for you here), shamanic meditation, anapana meditation, loving kindness meditation, gratitude meditation, vipassana meditation and so on. Try meditations with music or without music. Just see what you feel drawn to and start there. You don't have to try all. Just find one that you like to begin with and then you will find that the right practice will emerge for you in time.

Here's one

2. Start small

An important tip that can help you on your meditation journey is to start small, especially if just the idea of sitting for a long period of time causes you unease. Even just one minute is good enough. You can always progress into longer sessions. But what is more important in building a practice is consistency. So I'd suggest that I'd rather have you meditating 1 min every day of the week rather than an entire hour once a month. You will find it much better to ease into a longer practice by being aware of your current needs. Here's an example of a short meditation in a moment:

3. You don't have to sit cross-legged

This one is such a big myth. You don't have to be an acrobat or any where close to accomplished in twisting your body in any way. You do not have to sit cross-legged during meditation. Yes, sitting with a straight back vs hunching over is a good idea. But what's most important is to sit comfortably. Find a position that your body feels good in and start there. It That means, you are allowed to sit on a chair or a couch or a bed or anywhere that feels good. You can lean against the wall, use cushions and any support you need to keep your body relaxed. And now point 4 is the big one:

4. You can change your position

There's such a misconception out there that during meditation you've got to sit in one position without moving and force yourself to stay still. This is not a gentle approach and in my experience not beneficial in building a practice. See, if you need to move, move. You need to stretch your legs, do it. You need to change your position do it. Over time, it will become easier to sit in one position for long stretches of time. But don't force yourself into it, especially not as you are starting out. So be gentle and move when you need to.

5. You don't have to get rid of your thoughts

This one was my biggest hurdle for the longest time. I heard Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle talk about the gap or the space between thoughts and it just frustrated me because all I experienced was a series of thoughts. No space between the thoughts! It felt like a far away dream to have no thoughts during meditation. Thankfully, I found out that meditation is not about getting rid of thoughts, rather it is about observing them. You observe the arising and disappearing of thoughts. Over time, the frequency of thoughts naturally declines and you get less and less thoughts. But that happens organically, naturally. You don't have to get rid of your thoughts - that is once again forcing things to be what they are not. So, don't get rid of thoughts, just observe them!

6. Do live in-person meditation sessions at a yoga studio

A really good way of starting a meditation practice is to go to an in-person studio where meditation sessions are held. A possible starting point is your local yoga studio or your local YMCA. For those of you living near Boone, North Carolina, you can try out Neighborhood Yoga Studio. They have many possibilities for meditation sessions. You can also come to my in-person workshop at the Appalachian Regional Library in Boone where I am doing free workshops (sponsored by the Library). 

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Try my Daily Live Sessions:

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7. Go on a 9 or 10 day retreat

I dabbled in meditation for five years before I went to my first 10 day meditation retreat. Of course, as much as I'd like to have done it earlier, I had to arrive at the right time for it to happen. This retreat was pivotal in my meditation journey because it was total immersion in one type of meditation; in this case, it was vipassana. A full-immersion meditation retreat that is all about learning and practicing meditation. And that's a great way to get started as a beginner because you learn the foundations of the practice from step zero and then go on to build it. You also find out quickly if this type of meditation jives with you or if you should rather move on in your search for a meditation practice.

Two recommendations:
1. Dhamma.org for 10 day meditation retreat to learn vipassana meditation inspired by S.N.Goenka, Burmese Indian follower of Burmese teacher U Ba Khin and his teacher, Burmese Monk Webu Sayadaw. They have retreats all around the world.
I've done three of these retreats in the past two years (two 10 day retreats as participant and one 5-day retreat as a server).

2. Buddhist Society of Western Australia: 9 Day meditation retreat in the tradition of Thai Forest Monks led by Ajahn Brahm and Ajahn Brahmali.
This one I'd like to do in this year.

8. Use triggers and tracking to build your new habit

Once you've honed in on the one meditation practice that you want to focus on, use the best information out there about building a new habit. Leo Babauta with his Sea Change Program and Shawn Achor in his book, The Happiness Advantage teach how to build new habits. What has worked for me is a two-pronged approach to building my habit: 1: use triggers and 2: use tracking calendar. Create a system in which you use triggers to build your habit and then track it every day. A trigger example: After waking up in the morning, brush teeth. For me, I apply this to meditation. After breakfast in the morning, meditate one hour. Use the tricks and processes that productivity and personal development masters have identified to build your new habit. Blog: How to use systems to build your meditation practice.

9. Try guided creative visualizations.

I've found, both for myself and for the individuals in my live workshops, that creative visualizations are a great place to start. A lot of us begin our meditation journey by going straight into a silent meditation practice. If it works for you, great. But for many of us that seems really daunting. We are overpowered by our thoughts and feel frustrated by the process. You can always give silent meditation a try but don't allow the challenges you face there to deter you from doing your meditation practice. Just give guided creative visualization a chance. These are great because they serve as a stepping stone to silent meditation
They are much easier because you are using the voice of the meditation guide to literally guide your mind to focus on a a limited set of thoughts. If you don't connect with creative visualizations, that's fine too. Just go with other guided meditations such as the ones by Abraham Hicks or Jon Kabat-Zinn. See Blog: Why guided meditations are a useful stepping stone to silent meditation practice.

Here's one example of a creative visualization:

10. Be in nature

Take time off to be in nature as often as you can. Stroll around in a park or in other natural settings and just watch the sky, the trees, the waves, streams or the landscape. What does this have to do with building a meditation practice? Well, nature has an amazing effect for calming the mind. The effect of being in nature continues to help you when you sit down to meditate.

11. Be kind to yourself

Finally and, I'd even say most importantly, it's crucial that you stay kind to yourself. Meditation is habit and a new enhancement of your lifestyle. There will be challenges but you've got to help yourself trust the process. Don't use meditation to hurt yourself. As you move through the habit building phase, let go of expectations and be kind to the process of calming the mind. Be especially, kind and patient when you miss a day of practice. I used to be filled with guilt when that happened and now I am much more kind to myself in that regard.

So, my friend, I hope these 10 tips are helpful to you as you build your meditation practice. Feel free to jot down your questions in the comments. Let me know what challenges have you face when building a new meditation practice.

Inner-Peace Chats: Get My Help To Carve Your Meditation Habit Plan

Building a daily meditation habit has been a life-changing phenomenon in my life as I see its healthy effects in all aspects of my life, including a big drop in mental and emotional stress, almost zero worrying and a deeper sense of ease about life and its many challenges.

I want to create resources on reflectionpond.com to help you live a more harmonious, peaceful life. And so I'd like to help you create your customized Meditation Habit Plan. This is part of my Inner-Peace Chat series where I speak with you via a video call (such as on skype or zoom) and find out a bit more about your lifestyle so we can customize your meditation habit plan. 

This is something very useful if you are starting out brand new or have been dabbling in meditation for a while but now want to get into a daily habit. I will identify how you can build a system to make meditating a no-brainer activity. And I will also share from my meditation journey of 8 years so that you can understand why it's been challenging to build this habit. At the end of our one hour session, you will know exactly what to do in order to incorporate your unique meditation practice into your life.

Based on what you need in the moment, in this Inner-Peace Chat, I will guide you through a process and a meditation to help you understand what is blocking you from building a daily habit and how you change it to truly benefit from a continued practice.

I invite you to take this opportunity, which at the moment, is the only way to get one-to-one time with me. 

So are you in? Go here to see a bit more detail and reserve your spot.

On being present with our own big dreams

Photo Credit: Sophia Ojha

Why is it that we get distracted? Not when we don't know what we want in our life but precisely when we get clarity and understanding of our life's mission, it seems that distraction rears it head. 

We all know about the writer or creator or blogger who needs to have her home cleaned and laundry put away before she can even begin prepping for her work. She needs to make sure the bed is made, the dinner is prepared and all the other nitty gritty of life is in order first. Only then can she dust off her canvas or bring out her laptop to begin the daily practice that her craft requires.

Do you resonate with this? I certainly do. And I am becoming very aware of this recently as I have become intensely clear about the project that I am committing to.

It's not that all those tasks are not important, on the contrary, they are the foundations of life. But why do we have to do them in order to get on with our life's work? It's as if we are running away from the very thing we want.

Picture this - imagine you see a cartoon figure of a man who wants to reach for the door. His arms are reaching towards the door. At the same time, his legs are moving away from the door. It's a very confusing thing to be experiencing, if you are that man. Because on the one hand, there's crystal clear clarity about what we want in our life. But on the other hand, we are finding other things to do that consume our mind, attention, energy and our time ⏤ leaving us deflated and even more confused about our situation.

So how do we resolve this?

The best way to untie this entangled mess that we find ourselves in, is by going into deep reflection about the situation. By asking ourselves the questions like, "what do I need to understand in order to break this pattern?" or "what steps do I need to take in order to implement the big main task, my current important project?" Questions want answers and your inner-self will guide you with the right answers that will help you specifically move through this.

When I ask myself these questions, this is what I discovered:

What I need to understand is this:

For the longest time, you've been wandering with doubt and confusion about your life's purpose. You've been unclear about your next steps and you've been impatient with yourself in the process. You've also beat yourself up for 'not being there' already ⏤ meaning not having achieved 'it'. 'It' being this nebulous, unclear ideal of achievement that even you don't know what it’s supposed to be. You've also struggled to follow your heart and suffered from the pressures of family and societal expectations about being a successful career-woman and a fantastic housewife with all the i's dotted and all the t's crossed.
 

You've had 15 years of dealing with all of this plus your own pain body filled with pain and suffering both from that of being born a woman and the suffering you've picked up of all the animals in distress along with karmic pain and suffering that has followed you for millennia. All of this and infinitely more you have dealt with while trying to get focused in a world filled with loud distractions of a gazillion kind. 

Remember you had no training or education or guidance growing up for any of this. You are figuring it out as you go ⏤ like the rest of humanity. 

It's been a tall order. But you've tried. You’ve made efforts. You worked on figuring this thing out. This thing called life. You've reached out to books. Watched 100's of TouTube videos, Ted talks and meditation sessions. You've walked countless miles in the forests. You've meditated countless hours. You've searched and finally, you've come to a certain clarity and a sense of purpose.

But that clarity and sense of purpose is all new. It has no real deep roots. All the other things that have become a pattern in you are deeply rooted⏤the distractions, the noise, the doubt.

Once you realize that you are transitioning to a new way of being, it will become easier for you to walk into that new pattern. Just recognize that you are transforming into a different pattern. And this transformation is happening right now. It is happening every time you shift yourself slightly, steer yourself ever so slightly towards the clarity and purpose that you have found.

So all you need to do is to simplify your goals and simplify your life in such a way that all that is loud and distracting, minimizes and fades away. What remains is just you and the task at hand - the task that you chose to have as your main task at hand. 

So what steps do I need to take in order to implement my big, main goal?

Help yourself in these ways:

1. Write clearly in your day plan when in the day you will be doing your work.

This time is just for your writing or creating or whatever you “work” is. Nothing else. All else, unless an emergency, can wait until their turn. This especially applies to doing the dishes, running errands and all the other things of life ⏤ important but not to be done when it's time for you to create.

2. Reduce your responsibilities and tasks in all other areas of life as much as possible.

This will mean that you bring the volume down on your other projects that are not as important as the main one that you've identified. If you can completely let go of other projects, that will simplify things even more. But we do need other engagements other than our main task ⏤ because creativity needs space to breathe and germinate. So let's say you are a painter, when you are doing your other project ⏤ say gardening, that's when you get inspiration on how to resolve something you are working on currently. So don't completely take away those things but certainly reduce other projects.

3. Remind yourself of your goal or task several times a day.

Especially, when you have a newly found clarity about your life, it's important to write it down in your journal or notebook that you keep with you at all times and read from it several times a day. This clarity is ever flickering until it becomes solidified in your consciousness, in your awareness. So write it down and refer to it several times a day so you know exactly what you are doing and why you are doing it. This action will also fill you up with ideas and energy for implementing those ideas.

This I hope is helpful to you in dealing with your own distractions. Getting distracted is an old way of being. It’s habitual and has arisen in your life as a way to deal with all the confusion, the sadness, the doubt and the suffering you have experienced. What better way to dim the light of suffering than putting your mind to something entertaining like a distraction? Or so it seems. It does give relief and for that purpose, distractions are a breath of fresh air in our too often sad, difficult lives. But they are only a temporary relief ⏤ not something to get used to as a permanent solution. We recognize the benefit of distractions and use them wisely in times we need to put our minds at ease with something other than what we are dealing with. In the end, we each will find our own way of getting focused and clear.

And I hope the introspection questions I shared here with you will help you find your own unique answers. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you get distracted? If yes, what do you think distraction does for you? What have you found to be your unique solutions to distractions? And if you are not distracted anymore, tell us how you found a way to be present with your own big dreams instead of getting drowned in the noise of distractions?

Much love,
Sophia

Overachievers in a Community of Overachievers!

Have you ever overplanned, cramming in too many things to do into your day, week, month, year???

I have done that in the past leading only to feeling overstretched, out of time, rushed and completely stressed out. Looking back, I have come to understand that being part of the Indian American community has played a role in this pattern. I had allowed pressures to overachieve seep into my way of being and doing things and in the end did not feel satisfied at all. I am very happy that in the last few months and years, I have been able to streamline, focus and scale down.

Being focussed on one thing at a time, has greatly simplified my life. I am now very aware when there are forces that want to pull me in different directions and it is easier and easier to stay focussed on my path. This has allowed for many moments of peace, joy and a sense of well-being that feel refreshing and rejuvenating.

If you were raised in intense communities or families, watch this video below from the Daily Show. It is hilarious to me and hopefully, you can find a sense of humor in this all and make your own choices and decisions about how much you want to commit to. So here it is, a glimpse of this "overachieving" theme in Indian culture from a clip where Aasif Mandvi is portraying some common expectations among Indian families. Take a look:

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