Reflection Quote 005 : Emerson on being yourself

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson's work is for me truly inspirational because here you have an American author born more than 200 hundred years ago in Boston who through his writings is sending us a message that revolves around trusting our intuition, being grateful, following our heart and making efforts to live a happy, compassionate life. It couldn't be more timely! 

There are many quotes from Emerson that make us ponder. In another blog post, I've already written a bit about this quote, ”Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” 

The quote at hand today, may resonate with you as much as it does with me. Emerson is asking us to be ourselves even though all the forces of the external world are continuously trying to change us into something inauthentic. We all know first-hand the world we live in which seems to value people fitting in, not rocking the boat, going with the flow of what already exists. Some families and schools discourage their kids from standing out, expressing themselves, even from asking questions. We are to follow the norm.

Photo by Ahmed Saffu

Herd Mentality

We do so much of this⏤following the norm⏤growing up that we even don't realize that we are doing it. In our minds, we may be the trendsetter or the trailblazer but in our actions, we stay the course of what we think will be agreeable. Just notice this in our world and it will be easy to see. For instance, next time you go to a movie theatre, be alert to the traffic patterns of people. I've noticed at least three instances of "herd mentality" in the movies. The first is when the movie ends. Everyone is rushing out of the theatre and you can see that some people want to stay and watch the end credits but feel a silent pressure to stand up and leave. And the second is when they follow the others when coming out of the aisle, even if those before them take a longer route out.

And the third is when people are actually leaving the theatre building. There are crowds of people who want to exit the building but they will all follow the guy ahead of them and even wait a long while until all those ahead of him are out; while three other sets of doors are completely empty, waiting to be opened. I've noticed this at airports, at grocery stores and bookstores. No one wants to be the first one to lead and go out the other, completely open sets of doors. 

What could be the reason for this? People just don't care so much about leaving the building? Or they are not reflective or alert of their surroundings to notice that there are other options? Or they don't want to stand out by being the lone wolf walking through the other doors while everyone else watches them? Or perhaps, other completely different reasons are at play?

Something To Show For It

Regardless of the reason, this is a kind of inability to think for ourselves. I know myself how awkward it feels at an airport to take a new path, especially, when traveling in a new country and not knowing how things are meant to be set up. It is about taking a chance. And it's about being okay to be vulnerable and gawked at by strangers. But it is also about having invested the time to reflect on ourselves and being true to ourselves.

Some years ago, I spoke on the phone with a childhood friend of mine with whom I had lost contact for 10-15 years. We were catching up and sharing details of our lives with each other. At one point, he said to me, "Yea, I'm married, have two kids...well, I am 35 and should have something to show for it, right?". He said it as if those events in his life were his report card or progress report for his age and that he needed to have that in order to earn the right to be 35. I was so taken back by this statement that I just smiled and moved on with the conversation.

Needless to say, I was delighted that he had all those things but I would be just as happy for him if he were a lone wanderer of the globe with no partner and no steady job ⏤ as long as he was happy. I don't know how much of the herd mentality or social norms he was following and how much was part of his own life trajectory. One never knows the whole story so I am certainly not going to make conclusions. But his statements did make me think.

How Not Being Ourselves Shows Up

How about you? Are you aware of how herd mentality shows up in your life? I've certainly found myself trying to unearth what I truly want vs. what I think is expected of me. Here are some example of herd mentality from my own life and from observing others:

Not being truly ourselves can show up in many ways. Here is a selection:
1. Saying yes to invitations and requests when I actually want to say no.

2. Taking on a new project for a client when I actually would prefer taking on another instead.

3. Doing the 9-5 day schedule even as a freelancer or solopreneur working from home and can comfortably set your own hours. (I've felt so bad when I've started my day at 10am instead of 9 or 8 even if I may, on that same day work many more hours than an 8 hour corporate job).

4. Sending out greeting cards because that's what's done instead of that being something you truly want to do. Hey, I'm actually going to be selling postcards in my Shop soon and I love writing cards so I'm all for writing cards. But only when I truly want to; not because that's what is done. Although, I have felt bad at times for skipping on the annual Holiday cards in December. I hope that people who buy my postcards are not burdened by cultural obligations).

5. Not expressing your preferences about your own life out of concerns of being rejected. This one is tough and I've been here many a times. We want to be loved and accepted and we fear that expressing our own choices (which we know may not be liked by the people we want the love and acceptance from) will make us disliked and even ostracized from a community.

6. Having an emotional crisis when faced with the opportunity of adopting 7 cats, even though you have the space and resources to care for them all. This one is very personal! The stress and worry of being thought weird by my family or friends or being pejoratively looked down upon as the "crazy cat-lady" by neighbors was very real. (This is something I dealt with last spring (2017) and I am so happy I share that I did overcome the social bias and we now have 7 beautiful kittens :-) living with us happily. Today, March 9th is infact their one year birthday! Yayy!

7. Wearing heels, putting on makeup, wearing tight clothes and dying our hair all out of concerns of being perceived beautiful and well-groomed not so much out of our own desire towards what we want. Wearing flats to a wedding in 2011 was a big event for me. (It took me a while to finally say goodbye to all these. Not dying my black hair when silver and grey strands are appearing has been the hardest one for me. I've rarely seen a woman in her 30's with grey hair and the ladies in their 40's, 50's, and 60's seem to still have perfectly pitch black or blonde hair.)

(If you dye your hair, know that I am not judging you and accept your choice to do so. What I am writing here is about people feeling authentic in who we are ⏤ for ourselves and not what others think we should do or how others think we should be. The societal norms about hair color does make it challenging to follow what feels right but I like not to have to fuss over my hair color. The last time I dyed my hair with an all natural dye, the color faded away with the next shower! Too much effort for something that just doesn't feel right for me.)

8. Shaving one's head bald. This is challenging for both men and women. Even cutting one's hair short is deemed problematic in some cultures, let alone shaving off all of one's hair. A friend of mine recently did this (for personal healing of an old wound) and she looks amazing!

9. What kind of job we should have, when we should have kids, that we should have kids, that we should be married, when we should be married, who we should love, where we should live...and so on. All these unspoken and at times open rules from others about how we should live our lives according to some other force, instead of our own choices ⏤ is a real source of pressure and mental anguish for so many.

I'm confident that if you take a look around and even reflect on your own life, you will see the pernicious effects of societal norms and how they influence your actions.

These unspoken worldly rules affect the things we do, the way we think, the way we buy and the way we relate to one another. At times, we may even find it hard to distinguish between our own needs and wants and what we think our parents, friends and the general societal expectations are of us. But it doesn't have to be. And being ourselves doesn't have to be scary. In fact, the more we follow our own heart, the more peaceful our lives become.

This could be the final clue that unlocks the riddle

I think, the key to being ourself is to remind ourself that we can be who we are (unless you are living in a nation where the laws prohibit it, which then is extremely challenging and dangerous). To take ownership of our life and our decisions is one of the gifts of being an adult. You can choose your own path. I remember being a kid and saying to myself that when I am an adult I will adopt many cats (now that I have 7 of them, I really am in 7th heaven!). Being an adult comes with a true freedom which we must take advantage of.

I don't care if you follow the herd in the movies or dye or hair because you feel peer-pressure. But for the things that are truly close to your heart, please dare to take a different path ⏤ your path. Know that you are allowed to make choices that feel aligned with what you want. If you want to travel and have been putting it off for years, now is the time to go after your dreams. If you've wanted to start a blog and write to share your insights, now is the time. Whatever it is that you want for your life, let no social norm or family pressures stop you. It may be the best gift you gave yourself⏤one that could be the key to your fully embracing yourself and finally, sipping from the delight that this life is. This could be the final clue that unlocks the riddle of your true happiness.

Please share your thoughts on this rather lengthy article! Thank you for reading it all the way and I wish you much peace and inspiration for being true to yourself. 

Peace,

Sophia

About the author of the quote:

"Ralph Waldo Emerson, American poet, essayist, and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson was born on May 25, 1803, in Boston, Massachusetts. After studying at Harvard and teaching for a brief time, Emerson entered the ministry. He was appointed to the Old Second Church in his native city, but soon became an unwilling preacher. Unable in conscience to administer the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper after the death of his nineteen-year-old wife of tuberculosis, Emerson resigned his pastorate in 1831." ― Poets.org

See a list of books written by Emerson here: Goodreads.com
You can read his essay, 'Self-Reliance' which is freely available at this archival site: Archive.vuc.edu

Other quotes by Emerson:

"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles." 

”Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.” 

”To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 

”What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” 

”Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” – 

”The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and you have lived well.” 

”The only person you are destined to become is the person ou decide to be.”  

”Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” 

”Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” See my blog about this quote here.

Reflection Quote 004 : Goethe on Focus and what matters most

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”
⏤ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This eloquent quote puts it succinctly. That which is most important to you cannot be left at the mercy of all that which matters least. In the hustle-bustle of life, we find ourselves putting out fires or just taking care of daily maintenance of our lives so we can function. Often, this is all done in a bit of a hurry and because of that time pressure, we end up doing things without mindfulness.

As a result, there are times when we are swept away in the cacophony of things to do, voices of the world, and the rustling of chores. Even staying aware of what matters most to us becomes a distant memory. Didn't you write it down during your year end review and introspection? Yes, you did and not those priorities, dreams and goals are resting comfortably in the pages of your journal or the digital abyss of your computer.

Photo by Thomas Lambert

Things that matter most

What is that thing that matters most to you? Can you spill it out on the spur of this moment? Without forethought, without thinking? I must admit this is challenging and I do have to take a moment at times to remember - what is it that matters most to me? 

One of the reasons for this is that we all have many different things that we call "priority", not least because there are important things in the many categories of our life such as health, relationship, work/career/business, community, finance, spirituality, and so on. So already that makes at least a handful of "things that matter most". And this makes it difficult to keep all of our priorities top-of-mind.

But what if we could find out for us what is the most important thing ⏤  THE thing that matters most to us. I believe that if we can figure out that one thing, all other priorities in the other categories will become self-evident. That One thing will serve as an umbrella for all our other priorities to logically and emotionally fit together, like a cascading waterfall, one priority will flow into the next and then into the next and become a coherent whole. Then we will not forget what matters most to us. Then we will be able to know at the spur of the moment what our one thing is. And this will enable us to take action, beat procrastination, kick doubt on the way side and begin to enjoy a deeper level of inner-peace.

But to get to that one thing that flows into everything else, we need to dig deep within us and we will find that actually the answers were floating on the surface of our awareness all along. Would you like to do this process with me now? We can in a few minutes become aware of that which matters most to us. All you need is a few minutes of undisturbed silence, a pen and paper or this worksheet below that you can download. And we can begin.

The Process Of Finding Out Your Thing That Matters Most

Step 1:

Take a few minutes to just sit quietly and comfortably. Put all your projects to the side for now. Now take a moment to answer either of these two questions:

1. If you could only have one thing but have it fulfilled, what would you want most for yourself that will make all other parts of your life easy, meaningful, and happier?

2. What is it that you want most right now, and why?

Answer A: 

Step 2:

Next, reflect on the why behind your answers.

1. Why is it that you want the Answer A you wrote down above? What will that bring into your life? 
2. In what way will having A, make other parts of your life easier, happier, more fulfilling? Write down how it will effect ALL aspects of your life including Money & Finances, Health, Family & Relationships, Sense of Contribution/Legacy/Fulfillment, Spirituality, Business/Career, Other

Answer B:
 

Step 3:

Reflect on the next question

1. What actions do you need to take in order to make Answer A & B active in your life?

2. What new habits whether activities or mind-set changes do you need to make in order to make Answer A&B possible in your life?

Answer C:

Step 4:

Time for making this actionable.

Now that you have the exact actions identified, can you commit on actually bringing those actions into your life? If so, when and what time of the week will you take some moments to implement it? Note down days of the week, the time or any other details you need to make this happen.

Answer D: 

Step 5:

Articulate Your Thing That Matters Most to you

Now that you have completed steps 1-4, reflect on Answer A again. Do you need to modify it in any way? And then, phrase What matters most to you in a single sentence:

Answer E: What matters most to me is ..........

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Results Of My Own Process

As for me, after I completed this process, I realized that:

What matters most to me is taking daily actions of writing, meditating, walking, reading and carrying a mindset of gratitude and loving kindness.

I'm sharing my process results at the back of the Process Worksheet. So if you'd like to see how I came up with the above answer, you can download the entire worksheet below:

I'm glad you went through this process of getting to the core of what matter most. Now you can write it down in your journal or on a notecard and keep it on you, taking it everywhere you go. The purpose of doing that is to keep what matters most to you, top of your mind, so you can take actions to help make that thing that matters most to you, happen in your life. 

I'd love to see what you came up with. Do share in the comments what matters most to you and anything else you'd like to share about doing this process.

Much peace to you,

Sophia

About the author of the quote:

"Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, (born August 28, 1749, Frankfurt am Main[Germany]—died March 22, 1832, Weimar, Saxe-Weimar), German poet, playwright, novelist, scientist, statesman, theatre director, critic, and amateur artist, considered the greatest German literary figure of the modern era". ⏤ Brittanica.com

Reflection Quote 003: Tchaikovsky and Showing Up Daily For Creative Muse

Photo Credit: Rachel Shores

“We must always work, and a self-respecting artist must not fold his hands on the pretext that he is not in the mood. If we wait for the mood, without endeavoring to meet it half-way, we easily become indolent and apathetic. We must be patient, and believe that inspiration will come to those who can master their disinclination.” 
⏤ Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky in Life and Letters of Peter Tchaikovsky*

Over and over again, I learn from accomplished writers, musicians and creatives that we must show up every day to create in hopes for the muse to inspire us rather than wait for the muse to show and then begin our creative work.

As a writer and creative artist (audio-video), I've found this to be true. Just before the new year began, I committed to write every single day starting Jan 2nd (Jan 1st was a day spent celebrating with friends and share our new year's goals). Whether I was inspired or not, I'd sit at my computer. Whether it was a work day or a weekend, I would show up to write. Whether I was awake and vibrant or sleepy and dull, I would begin typing away. This I promised. And so far, 15 days later, I'm happy at my results. Not counting this post, here are some stats:

Writing Period: Jan 2nd to Jan 14th = 13 days
Total Words written: 11,689
Average Words written per day: 899
Blogs published: 4!!! (I used to churn out one blog a week, so four is a really big change).

In these 13 days, I have found Tchaikovsky's words to ring true. Not every day did I produce content that I felt worthy of publishing. Out of the 13 days of writing, only 4 of those days did I have something I published. And I know for sure that none of these 4 blog posts are the best I can produce at this time. With all that I have learnt in my life about writing, about the creative process, there's an outstanding article waiting to emerge out of me. But you know what, those posts that I did write, are good enough. They are good enough. 

Key to Creative Success: Showing Up Every Day
So, my friend, if you are a creative artist or need creative solutions in whatever field you are working in, what I have found is that showing up every day to your creative project, is the first key step towards getting in touch with your muse, your inspiration, towards tapping in to your creative energy and letting it flow. 

Notice I said, "...showing up every day..." not simply showing up one day and then taking a break. I speak from my own experience. I have begun new projects many a times in my last 7 years at Reflection Pond and I have worked on them during the week, taking the weekends off. And although I am a firm believer in taking time off (see my post here about taking 10 days off for silent retreat), during the rest of the time, it's key to show up every single day.

Keeping the Momentum
Several years ago, I met a professional, a former colleague of my husband. He had invited us for brunch to his home to meet his wife and two kids. After we had a wonderful brunch and spent ample time getting to know his family, we started on our way back. As we were leaving, he got ready in his running outfit and put on his running shoes. I asked him, "how many times a week do you go running?" He said, "Every day." I was surprised as here I was having trouble trying to even make 3 times a week for my exercise schedule. I said, "You don't take the weekends off?" "No," he replied. "It would be too hard to start again then on Monday." 

This was may be 5 or 6 years ago but his statement really made an impression on me. And only years later did it really make sense to me as I had started and failed at many new habits that I was building. I began walking every day about a year and a half ago. I realized that whenever I took the weekends off, it was easy for me to delay starting again. From Monday, it would move to Tuesday and then with great effort I would begin again, only to drop off the habit on the weekend. Come Monday, I would begin the gargantuan task of building the walking habit again.

Now for a year or so, I have been walking daily even on weekends (on days when it the temperature drops to negative degrees, I run up and down the stairs at home several times!).

And now I am applying this understanding to my commitment and habit of writing daily. I write on weekends to - even if it is just 30 minutes. This way, I continue the thread and can keep the momentum going. Momentum is a friend of yours when you are building a new habit. Once you start, you build up this forward moving energy which makes it easier and easier for you to continue it. Each day, you may still find resistance to "doing" your project or whatever the new habit is. But it will be immensely less than if you were to start fresh, from scratch.

Keeping your momentum is essential - and that means showing up every day.

Photo by: Andrew Ly

Being Kind

This is a very important part of building your new habit. When we are at the early stages of the habit, there will be times when you miss a day. It could be because of you being ill or you needing to take care of other necessary things in your life. Until you have build the right conditions around your new habit, you will, sooner later, miss a day. (Right conditions in this sense mean protecting your writing time or new habit time dearly, removing all obstacles from around it, having other parts of your life that you can influence well taken care of so that your "habit time" or "creative project time" or "running time" are sacred, not disturbed). 

So then when you do miss a day from showing up, you have to develop kindness towards yourself. Too often, I have beaten up myself for "failing" at my new habit. And this doesn't really help. So before you begin, know that you will miss a day possibly and already now in the beginning decide what you will do when that happens. Some suggestions:

If I miss a day, knowing these things happen, I will be kind to myself, and:

1. Forgive myself and treat myself kindly: "It's okay you missed a day, let's start again."
2. Take a few minutes to assess what were the conditions like that led me to miss a day. And then work to correct or improve upon it.
3. Recommit and start again.

Let's heed the words of the great Russian composer, Tchaikovsky who said, "We must be patient, and believe that inspiration will come to those who can master their disinclination." Let's be patient that inspiration, muse, the creative flow will arrive at our fingertips and show up every single day to our "work". Yes, even on weekends! 

What is the One project or new habit you are building in this new year? Please share in the comments what that is. And also share your own experiences with building new habits: challenges faced and solutions arrived at. I'd love to read them.

Peace, Sophia

Sidenote: Whenever I read inspiring quotes, I often wonder who was the person who said or wrote those words. Reading quotes, I find, is a good way to do some digging to find out just a little bit more of the writer/speaker, as their lifestory and life's work gives us much to ponder about.

So whenever I can, I will add a little introduction from Wikipedia or other source to start off your research and add it to the end of the post in a teeny section called: About the Author of The Quote.

*About the Author of the Quote: 

"Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky was a Russian composer of the romantic period, some of whose works are among the most popular music in the classical repertoire. He was the first Russian composer whose music made a lasting impression internationally, bolstered by his appearances as a guest conductor in Europe and the United States."  ⏤ Wikipedia

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Reflection Quote 002: Dreams are the seedlings of realities - James Allen

Photo by Noah Rosenfield

“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg; and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” 
⏤ James Allen, Author of As a Man Thinketh*

What a loaded quote we have this week, from the British author James Allen. It is packed with tons of deep inspirational thought and in the next few paragraphs, I hope to unlock some key messages so that you can practically apply the wisdom into your life meaningfully.

First, let me ask you a question: Are you a dreamer? A dreamer - not someone who doesn't intend to act on their dreams but someone who know how to dream in order to take right action? 

Think about it for a second. Dreamer. 

I want you to begin to unravel the gifts that this word comes with. Too many people have used the word dreamer as a derrogative term. "Ah, you are just a dreamer." "Don't just be a dreamer." And other variants of such statements. 

But to me the word "dreamer" equals "visionary". It conjures up to me images of people like Dr. Martin Luther King who was a great visionary who could see people being judged by the merit of their character not the color of their skin. It conjures up to me the image of Mother Theresa who could see the vision of Jesus in the faces of ailing, suffering people who were deemed as outcasts and unwanted by society.

Dreamers are visionaries who can see a higher reality for humanity. They can see the potential for good, for benevolence, for compassion and for equality. They are people who can see a more refined world where solutions to today's problems are easily solved with collaboration and dedication. They are people filled with faith in the true kindness that is seated in the heart of every human being. These are the people who have created amazing art, beautiful experiences, and worthy solutions for humanity. These are the dreamers.

That's what I see when I walk in the woods and see acorns on the forest floor. Lying there lifeless, from a distance they look like unwanted throwaways of the forest. But they are dormant. They hold within them the potential of not just one tree but millions of trees. Or when consumed by a squirrel, they give food to not just one squirrel, but millions of squirrels yet to be born. When they neither become food for a squirrel nor find the right conditions to sprout, they may merge with the earth and become nourishment for countless lifeforms. 

That's exactly what is inside an idea. An acorn. A seed. A starting point for something that can have endless impact on numberless beings. 

That is why you ought to dream. And dream big. You ought to dream the dream that is emerging from within you. Care not what has been done. Care not what people think about you. Care not whether you feel ready. You dream is waiting to take root. Because your dream is a seed for your new reality. 

"Dreams are seedlings of realities", said James Allen. What new reality can you dream up?

Here's an exercise that you can do today to cultivate the art of dreaming:

Think of a problem that you have seen in your life. It could be something you have experienced yourself. Or it could be something you have seen out in the world - which you feel can be improved upon.

Ask yourself: If I could have it all my way, what would this look? Or if I could have all the resources in the world, if Bill Gates, Oprah, Richard Branson and all the billionaires of the world were to give me their influence, money and resources, what solution would I like to bring into this world? And allow yourself to think outrageously.

Just to get your juices flowing, I will share with you my very own Big Dream. (I actually have three but let's start with one).

My Big Dream For Animals:

If I could have it all my way and these fantastic billionaires are supporting my dream, this is what I would want: 
I would transform every animal shelter on this planet into a life-shelter (meaning a no-kill shelter). I would then turn the existing shelters into animal sanctuaries and build new animal sanctuaries where dogs and cats can touch the grass under their paws and breathe the fresh air through their nostrils. They can climb trees and run around in peace. They are taken care of by compassionate, well-paid caretakers who feed them good, healthy food and give them access to compassionate, highly trained vets and healers. 

I would find a way to get every single dog and cat off the streets where they are going unnoticed, neglected and filled with diseases. Yes, EVERY SINGLE animal. I would also use the resources to reach into schools so that our next generation can learn the beauty of caring for an animal and they too can take action to protect these animals. All animals are either free in the wild or lovingly and humanely taken care of and allowed to live their entire lives out peacefully. This is my Big Dream for animals in general but dogs and cats specifically.

What is Your Big Dream that you dream of?

You are allowed any big dream you like (of course, it goes without saying that it is beneficial to our world - animals and ecosystems included). Go ahead and share it in the comments below. I am eager to learn from you.

Other Quotes from James Allen:
Here are a few more quotes to spark your imagination:

"Every action and feeling is preceded by a thought."

"Right thinking begins with the words we say to ourselves."

"Circumstance does not make the man, it reveals him to himself."

Sidenote: Whenever I read inspiring quotes, I often wonder who was the person who said or wrote those words. Reading quotes, I find, is a good way to do some digging to find out just a little bit more of the writer/speaker, as their lifestory and life's work gives us much to ponder about.

So whenever I can, I will add a little introduction from Wikipedia to start off your research and add it to the end of the post in a teeny section called: About the Author of The Quote.

*About the Author of the Quote: 

"James Allen (28 November 1864 – 24 January 1912) was a British philosophical writer known for his inspirational books and poetry and as a pioneer of the self-help movement. His best known work, As a Man Thinketh, has been mass-produced since its publication in 1903. It has been a source of inspiration to motivational and self-help authors". ⏤ Wikipedia

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Reflection Quote 001: Distraction and Misery - Blaise Pascal

Photo by: Felix Russell Saw

“Distraction is the only thing that consoles us for our miseries, and yet it is itself the greatest of our miseries.” ⏤ Blaise Pascal, French Mathematician*

What deep truth is entailed in this quote from Blaise Pascal!

As soon as I read these words, it struck a deep chord in me. There have been times when I've been tired at the end of my day or simply experiencing an unknown sadness emerge, I've turned to watch comedy shows after comedy shows to distract me from my own self. I've scrolled FB pages for an entire afternoon, missing out on precious moments to write, meditate, create or spending time outdoors in fresh air or with playing with my animal friends. I'm not embarrassed to share this with you, although only some time back, I would be utterly embarrassed. I share this because I want you to know that if you too have experienced looking for a distraction, then you are not alone in this. And it doesn't make me think less of you as I too experience the urge to drown out what I am feeling at the moment.

Afterall, distraction ⏤ whether it is mindlessly scrolling the internet, eating, drinking,  or doing anything in disproportionate excess ⏤ is a bandaid to our souls, a quick numbing of any emotional pain or mental anguish we are feeling. So, if your family member is ill for long periods of time and you've been taking care of them, it can start to drain you. Like a rubber band you feel stretched. So, you go out to watch a comedy show to take your mind off and have a good laugh with your friends. This is a helpful distraction. It allows you to loosen the tension, focus your mind on something lighthearted and you feel rejuvenized. (Is that a word? Perhaps, rejuvenated is better. Rejuvenized does sound like a legit word!).

However, when we take up activities that are in excess, the distraction then becomes a new problem. People may take a drink to drown loneliness or to deal with a breakup. They feel a relief but instead of moving forward, they come back to it night after night and that's how when it becomes unhealthy and infact, dangerous to their emotional, mental and physical well-being. So distractions are really just a momentary anesthetic not a long-term solution to any problem we are facing.

That's why, this quote strikes me so strongly. Without a long-term healthy strategy to deal with the problems of life, we are too vulnerable to falling in the trap of distraction. Especially, when you are feeling well, strong and positive about yourself and your life, that's exactly the time to help yourself by thinking about a long-term strategy to deal with the inevitable pain and suffering of life.

I am not a pessimist - anything but! I do feel, however, that we, as individuals and as a culture on the whole, are lacking a reliable, healthy net to help us when things go wrong. In the past, people had a much close-knit circle of family and friends. Uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, neighbors, school-mates, and community members were very much available for us. And if you currently have that, you are among the lucky ones (despite of all the problems that being close to family can also cause). More and more of our urban world has become crowded with people but ironically, it has also led to more loneliness and isolation. When things are fine in our lives, all's good. Being alone is not a problem when you are feeling well. But when we fall into the any life crisis - where's the net to catch us? If society and culture fail to provide it to us, we must find one for ourselves. 

There are two things that we can do to help ourselves, create an emotional, spiritual safety net. One is to search out and belong to a community. Second is find something positive you can do on a regular basis that helps you grow emotionally and spiritually. 

One: Community
What we need to do is step out of our comfort zone and find a community to be a part of, a community where you can be yourself, and you can contribute meaningfully for the well-being of others. Join a non-profit/charity and volunteer weekly. Join a sports group. Offer to help out at the local library, animal shelter, shelter for the homeless, church, temple, mosque or any faith-based organization that you resonate with, new age group, book club or writers club, hiking club, language group, knitting group, astronomy club, business groups. And these are just suggestions to start you off. (You have a suggestion to add here? Let me know in the comments and I'll review your suggestion and edit this list - your help can really spark ideas for our readers.)

And a great resource in the US and in many other countries is: Meetup.com where you can see what things are available in your area and even start your very own unique group. I am thinking of starting a meditation group myself in my local area of Boone, North Carolina.

Two: Your Personal Safety Net (Hobby/Creative activity)
Another safety net that is really important is to have some activity that you can do on your own and which gives you much fulfillment and joy. Any of the activities I mentioned in point one as a group activity, can also be something you do on your own.

My two safety net activities are: meditation and hiking.
I am building a habit to meditate one hour a day and then a deepening of my practice on every other Sunday where I mediate several times a day. (I will share more on this as the year progresses and share with you my blueprint so you can also incorporate it in your life). Meditation is a long-term solution ⏤ it is healing, rejuvenating, energizing! It allows us to dissolve the stresses of our lives. And done daily, it helps us to wash away any pain or stress from the day, instead of collecting it in our minds and bodies. It's really like showering to me. I shower every day to keep my body clean and healthy. I meditate every day to keep my mind and heart healthy and nourished. It really is a necessity for a healthy life - not a luxury.

The other safety net is hiking. I love to be in the woods. As they say, some go to church to connect with God, I go to the forest. It really is a blessing to be living inside the Pisgah National Forest. There are gazillion trees and flora everywhere and along with it thousands of birds and chipmunks and deer and all the beings. Then there are the most fascinating waterfalls and breathtaking views. Being in the woods, where only sounds of nature abound, is a precious thing indeed. (I know this all too well; as I am a child born in and as an adult living in two of the most dense concrete metropolitan jungles of our planet: Mumbai and New York City).

My dear friend, if you have access to any natural setting, go on and "invest" your time there. Notice that I said, "invest" not "spend". You really are investing in yourself and in your well-being and inner-peace when you invest time in a park, near a lake, on a beach, in the dessert - any place that is mostly mother nature. You will find much treasure there.

So these two safety nets are to be built and cultivated when you are strong and happy. A wo/man builds a house in dry season to protect her/him from the rains. During the rain, s/he needs to get shelter built by others already. I hope this simile helps you understand deeply what I want to convey. Only when you are strong (dry season), can you build your safety net (your house). When you are feeling down, ill, or facing some life crisis, (rain), you need to get help from your family, friends or church/temple, etc (shelter built by others).

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Well, my friend, I hope that this quote from Blaise Pascal and my reflection on it today is helpful for you. Find the time to build your own safety net (1. community & 2. personal) so that you can be your own strong support, your own anchor, your own pillar helping you thrive and flourish all your life!

Other quotes from Blaise Pascal: 
May be I will write about these quotes in the future, may be not. But here are a couple more to spark your imagination:

"Kind words cost nothing. Yet they accomplish much". 
"The heart has reasons of which reason knows nothing."

Sidenote: Whenever I read inspiring quotes, I often wonder who was the person who said or wrote those words. Reading quotes, I find, is a good way to do some digging to find out just a little bit more of the writer/speaker, as their lifestory and life's work gives us much to ponder about.

So whenever I can, I will add a little introduction from Wikipedia to start off your research and add it to the end of the post in a teeny section called: About the Author of The Quote.

*About the Author of the Quote:
Blaise Pascal was a French mathematician, physicist, inventor, writer and Catholic theologian. He was a child prodigy who was educated by his father, a tax collector in Rouen." - Wikipedia

Tell me in the comments, what your thoughts are about building your safety net. Do you have a safety net? What would building something like that mean to you? What community activity or personal hobby serve as a balm to your soul? Thank you for sharing - as that will be valuable and insightful not only to me but the many silent readers out there!

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